Happy New Year to you all. It was this day last year that I decided to start up Insert Witty Pop Culture Reference Here. I want to thank you all for reading and all the feedback and kind words. You've helped make this one of the best years of my adult life and I hope you'll continue reading in 2011.

Now...to the pub.

Happy New Year.

John

Jayhaitch in Review 2010- Music(The personal stuff)

Reviewing a year gone by has been done countless times. I don’t really have anything overly original to add to it. Not that that has stopped me posting three separate review pieces with more to come. It has been a great year in music which made it really hard to come up with a blog piece that wasn’t thirty thousand words.

I’ve done a list of albums and songs I’d recommend here, but I want to just talk about a couple things music related that, on a personal level, were a big part of 2010.

Kormacs Big Band @ Electric Picnic. Over the years I have gone to see a lot of friends in various bands in pubs and clubs around the country in front of crowds ranging from seven to about seventy. All extremely talented musicians with enormous passion for making music and being on stage. I enjoyed supporting them because I love being around talented, enthusiastic people but a little part of me always wanted more for them. A big break, a huge crowd, a record deal. Something.

This year I got to see my good friend Sean Kennedy play euphonium on stage at the Electric Picnic in front of thousands of people. As the last band performing on one of the main stages at the first night of the three day festival there was a lot of interest in seeing them in the Little Big Tent. So much so that the security guards decided to stop letting people in and pulled over the barriers to keep a lot of people, me included, out.

The excluded masses were not happy about this in the slightest. One of our number reckoned if he all pushed the barrier and bouncer standing behind it would soon give way. I don’t approve of that kind of thing at all. I did, however, take advantage of it, stepping over the prone guard and into the tent to see my friend perform with Kormac’s Big Band.

I don’t know if he enjoyed it as much as I did, but it was definitely a thrill for me to see a butty o mine playing on what is, in my mind anyway, a huge stage that I had to riot to get into. And from the sounds of things he could be involved in even bigger things next year.

The reformation of Pulp. I’ve already spoken about how happy this news made me here. It is very exciting and hopefully a chance for me to see a band who have always been one of favourites. To see my friends get excited by this news transported me back ten years to when we were young and cool without mortgages, credit cards, kids or hassles.

Seriously, I will steal and sell a child on the black market for ticket to one of their gigs. Or at least work a couple of extra shifts to pay for it.

Stevie Wonder in the O2. When my good friend Martin rang me to tell me of this gig, I was hanging out with another friend and his kids. That was when I first considered kidnapping of minors as a viable way to obtain concert tickets.

Again, I have already blogged about my Stevie love. His music is joyous and uplifting and nothing can ever be too bad when you listen to it. This was the first time he had played in Ireland in something like twenty five years and I was damned if I wasn’t going to be there to enjoy it.



The anxiety I felt as I sat on the ticketmaster website at two minutes to nine the morning they went on sale palpable. One hand on the mouse ready to click refresh, the other clutching my credit card, even though I already had the card details stored under profile. I wasn’t taking any chances. When I successfully acquired I could have danced around the room.

The gig itself was fantastic. He played all the classics and while he was never going to be dancing around the stage he manage to put on an amazing show. He had two drummers and a bongo player for crying out loud. Some people later complained that the sound wasn’t great at the gig. The fact that each song was flowing through my mind and soul meant that I never noticed it.

The Arcade Fire. Before this year, I had seen the Arcade Fire live twice and owned both their albums. That makes it sound like I was a big fan, but to be honest, I wasn’t really sure. I liked some of their stuff, Funeral is a great album but Neon Bible was only ok. When I saw them in the Olympia in 2007 I was decidedly under whelmed.

When there new album, The Suburbs, came out some friends were raving about it, but I was in no real rush to hear it. On top of that, when I saw the price for tickets for the gigs they announced in the O2 my mind was definitely leaning towards writing them off.

Eventually I got around to listening to their latest opus. It was fantastic. Sixteen fantastic songs of boredom, disillusionment and just growing up in American suburbs (The band are ostensibly Canadian but Win and William Butler were born and raised in Middle America.)

Stand out tracks like Ready To Start and Rococo lead the way but the recording never lets up and the even on the back end songs like We Used To Wait and Sprawl(Flatland) make it easily one of the most consistently good albums of recent times. There is no filler here. Without question, Album of the Year

They are probably going to become the biggest band on the planet in the next couple of years and I’ll have to hate and begrudge them, in the same way I do U2 or REM. Not the same way I loathe bands like Kings of Leon and Coldplay. No I do that because they are shite.

The album was so good, it made me want to go to one of the concerts, but ticket prices these days are something that a struggling writer can easily justify spending, what with having to eat and live under a roof. So I would just have content myself with listening to them on my earphones.

That was until I was on the receiving end of one of the most thoughtful, sweet gesture. A very good friend of mine, whose fanaticism about her music is matched only by her kind heart and generous nature, had gotten herself a ticket for the Sunday night gig. Tragically, she lost a close member of her family and could not go for obvious reasons.

At a time when she could be forgiven for ignoring the outside world and forgetting about such trivial things as a rock band, she thought of me. She got her housemate to bring in the ticket to me in work, hours before the gig was due to start, because she wanted me to enjoy it.

It was one of the most touching things I’ve experienced. I struggled not to shed a tear, standing there in Muji. A little later at the gig, I did. They were fantastic live and I knew that it was something my friend would have loved to experienced. I was emotional because she couldn’t and so grateful because I was. I really need to find a way to thank her. I think I’ll start my dedicating my music review of 2010 to her.

Music has a beautiful way of connecting with people. It helps form memories, it comforts, it encourages. It speaks to you when you’re lonely. It makes you happy. Sex, driving, exercising, drinking. Its all better with music. Everyone should have music in their life.

Its like that scene in the end of The Commitments when Jimmy Rabbite is being interviewed by an imaginary talk show host. When asked if he has any final words on the story of the band he answers in his Dublin Accent;

“We skipped the light fandango, turned cartwheels cross the floor, I was feeling kinda seasick, til the crowd called out for more.”

“That’s very profound Jimmy. What does it mean?”

“I’m fucked if I know Terry.”

Jayhaitch in Review 2010- Music

I did a kind of movies of 2010 list here, so in fairness it’s only right I do one for music. Everybody loves music. Well except for Simon Cowell…but we won’t get into that right now. This is just going to be a very basic list of albums that I’ve loved this year.

A big thank you to the people who have kept me clued into what is worth listening to and what I shouldn’t. If it wasn’t for you I’d probably be bopping away Miley Cyrus’s latest album (that’s legal now right?)

It has to be said, even from the other side of the planet, MJK has kept me relatively down with the kids. Dropbox is an awesome invention. His recommendations are usually on the money and he probably knows what I might like better than I do. Even back when I was slightly more obstinate when it came to music (‘if they aren’t black or dead its shite‘) he would always suggest things which invariably became some of my favourite albums.

Others such as Vicky, Martin and The Woolly Yarmouth have thrown out some endorsements which have been played over and over here in Jayhaitch central. Of course as a man of impeccable taste I did manage to find some choice cuts on my own.

So without further adieu I give you the music that has been melting my ears this year. Again it won’t be proper reviews. I’m not that kind of writer and I don’t have the vocabulary to make it not sound like I’m stealing from Rolling Stone, Hot Press or heaven forbid Q magazine. They are just stuff I really like and if you enjoy what I write I think you might enjoy some of them too.

• I’m New Here- Gil Scot Heron ( short but deep album from the man who more or less invented rap…the good, deep, political sort not the Lil Wayne kind)
• Wake Up- The Roots and John Legend
• D’Angelo- Interpretations (Two cover albums of classic soul by two fantastic modern exponents of the genre)
• The ArchAndroid- Janelle Monae (fantastic debut album, saw her at Electric Picnic. Sparkling stage show to match her ultra sparkling teeth)
• Tomorrow Morning- Eels (Another great release from E and his cohorts. ‘This is were it gets good’ is one of the sexiest songs of the year, in a dirty kind of way)
• Threadbare- Port O’Brien
• Grinderman 2- Grinderman (I struggle with Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Grinderman works for me though)
• Scott Pilgrim Vs The World O.S.T.- Various ( a mix of old and new indie kid cool tracks here)
• Scratch My Back- Peter Gabriel ( An album of quality covers by the man who was replaced by Phil Collins)
• All Enchanted People- Sufjan Stevens (Although I have to say his Xmas album is terrible. Folksy Xmas? Fucksy Xmas more like)
• The Budos Band- The Budos Band
• Band of Joy- Robert Plant
• High Violet- The National (a very late possible contender for album of the year.)

Since I first listened to High Violet last week I’ve gotten annoyed with other music that isn’t it. And as long as it’s not ruined by being used in Greys Anatomy or anything, I have decided that I want the last track from this album, Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks, played at my funeral….whenever that should happen. Bit bleak for a xmas blog? Nah!

For my actual Album of the Year choice, you can find that in my more personal take on Music for 2010. If you have a different idea on what should be top dawg, why not let me know? I’m always up for listening to new stuff. Even if I wasn’t always.

Jayhaitch in Review 2010- Movies

Around this time last year I wrote a piece that was subsequently the start of what as been a really interesting and fulfilling time for me. When I sat down to write Jayhaitch 2009 it was supposed to be just something throwaway and frivolous to entertain some mates on Facebook.

As I typed, what started as a joke turned into one of the most open and honest things I’ve ever done. I revealed stuff about me that I wouldn’t normally be inclined to talk about. That’s was never my aim and I was a little embarrassed by all the nice comments and feedback that I got. That said, my bashfulness was beaten down and I realised I wanted more.

I don’t mean I wanted plaudits and praise, although it was nice. I wanted people to take in an interest in what I was saying and writing seemed like a good way to get whatever message I might have, out there. And so was born this blog and the reigniting of the desire to be a writer.

That review of my year was definitely the spark that kick started everything I’ve tried to do since. Whether you think that’s a good or a bad thing or not I’ll leave up to you. Personally I loved it so much, its back. Another year older, wiser and happier.

Jayhaitch 2010 is going to be done in a couple of parts. It’s been a busy and interesting twelve months and if I tried to fit it all in to one post some readers with shorter attention spans might struggle to keep focused.

You should think of this as the aperitif. Just a little something to whet your whistle before I stick up the succulent prime cut of the personal stuff. This will just be a bit of a list of things I’ve enjoyed whilst turning the pages of my calendar. The juicy, bare all, expose will come closer to the end of the year, so make sure you check back regularly.

With a name like InsertWittyPopCultureReferenceHere, I think there is a certain responsibility on be to actually make said references regularly. And with that in mind I give you the Jayhaitch Year in Review 2010- the pop culture stuff.

Movies is probably a good place to kick this off. With the aid of my trusty UGC multipass I have once again seen a lot of movies this year. Some of them were terrible. The Expendables, Whip It, Due Date, all best forgotten. I’ve already expressed my opinion on the abombination that was The Karate Kid. But I want to focus on the good, not the bad and the ugly.

I’m not going to do a top ten or my favourite or whatever. There are plenty of magazines, newspapers and blogs that will and have been doing that for years. Yes, Inception probably was the film of the year and Scott Pilgrim versus the World is so much fun that I saw it three times in the cinema and still continue to shout ‘We are Sex Bob-omb and we are here to make you sad and think about death and stuff’ at regular intervals.

The likelihood is you already know that. And if you don’t, you will be able to read about it in other publications year in review pieces. Both movies got a lot of mainstream coverage when they came out and proved quite popular with ticket buyers. If you haven’t seen them, then along with these other mainstream movies from this year you should catch them on sky movies or get them from Xtra Vision.

• Up In The Air
• The Social Network ( A movie about Facebook!!)
• How to Train Your Dragon
• The Town (Affleck is a much better director than actor)
• Shutter Island (Inception would never have worked without this. Di Caprio finally seems like a grown up)
• Hot Tub Time Machine (yes seriously. Its laugh out loud funny and its got John Cusack…you know how I feel about Cusack)
• Kick Ass (ultra violence, profanity from minors, the banana split theme tune, what’s not to like)

No, what I’m more interested in is letting you know about some of the great movies that you may have missed. Maybe they weren’t marketed very well or they were only shown one week in mainstream cinemas and that was the week Sex and the City 2 was out and it was the wife’s turn to pick.

I thoroughly enjoyed all these movies and I believe my intelligent clued in readers with a sense of humour would get something from them too. Even if you don’t like all of them, I believe there will be at least one that will enrich your life, even if its just for a little while.

• Gainsbourg- Vie Heroique (Quirky bio pic of quirky French chanteur. It has weird puppets and it validates somewhat that even ugly French people are sexy while the pretty ones are super sexy)
• Winters Bone (Amazing break through performance from Jennifer Lawrence in this redneck film noir)
• A Prophet (Hard hitting French prison drama)
• Four Lions ( Where to start? A black comedy about British Islamic fundamentalist who plan to suicide the London Marathon whilst disguised as characters from breakfast cereal boxes. Hilarious and sad. Satire and Farce. From Chris Morris the creator of Brasseye, Jam and the Day Today.)
• Sex and Drugs and Rock n Roll (Another musical biopic, this time of cockney geezer Ian Dury)
• Bad Lieutenant : Port of Call- New Orleans
• Worlds Greatest Dad (This and Bad Lieutenant are so good that I was able to ignore the fact that two actors whom I despise are the leads)

Many of these films were overlooked by the popcorn brigade which is real shame. None of them are easy watching and that might explain the poor box office. It might require a bit more effort to view these movies but if you have any faith in anything I say, trust me. It will be worth it.

Wenceslas

“I just got Mam a bamboo vegetable steamer for Xmas. That’s a good present isn’t it?”

I overheard this particular piece of genius at around 3 p.m. last Christmas eve. I was standing at the bus stop and this person was talking on his mobile. He was a grown man so he couldn’t use youth as an excuse for such a preposterous gift.

I looked away to hide a smirk and I realised I wasn’t the only one. The other potential Dublin Bus passengers mirrored my look of bemusement at the ludicrousness of both the statement and the sentiment.

If I were to hand my Mother a kitchen utensil (regardless of whether it was made of a flexible wood or not) on the 25th of December, I’m sure I would left in no doubt that its more than just any thought that counts. There is also the strong possibility that I would be picking bamboo splinters from hair whilst having to clean up the debris.

Don’t get me wrong. I can’t say I find it easy shopping for Christmas gifts and I don’t just mean for my mum. My dad is just as difficult, I have no idea what my brothers are into and when I ask my sister what she would like, she smiles and says ‘I don’t mind.’ However, despite the nigh impossible nature of the task, I managed to complete most of my festive shopping for this year.

I just need to get one or two things for some children of friends and I’m done. It was actually relatively painless. I’m not overly enamoured with my selection, but faced with the budgetary constraints of a part time shop assistant, I did OK.

I went mostly with DVD’s, CD’s and books as token ideas. Stuff I know the recipient would like but I would have preferred to have given more personal gifts that required a bit more effort than just running to Tower Records and queuing.

Time was a problem. I’ve never been busier in the run up to Christmas. Writing books, working in Muji, meeting friends who I neglected to write books, going to gigs. All this has taken a toll on my seasonal Santa sponsored sharing.

Basically what I’m trying to say is, I’m really sorry. I didn’t get you anything this year.

That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten you. Oh no. I didn’t have time to get you all individual presents, but I did have time to speak to one guy for whom time isn’t an issue.

Dear Santa

Hi, how’s it going. Remember me. It’s Jayhaitch from Crumlin. You brought me the Casio keyboard in 87. It was great thanks a million…I really should have taken lessons, but I was always just happy to plink and plonk the keys. I don’t want you think I didn’t appreciate it.

I know I’m not supposed to be writing to you anymore. As an adult I’m supposed to pretend you don’t exist so that you concentrate on the younger kids.

That’s cool, I can dig that. But here’s the thing. I have actually been super good this year; I’ve cut back on the booze. I’m always positive and try to help people. I don't talk about people behind their back. Seriously….I’ve been a relative saint this year.

And it’s not even that I’m looking for gifts for myself. Honestly I’m fine Santa, I don’t need anything. But life has been super hectic recently and I haven’t had a chance to get anything for my friends. So I was wondering if you could help me out. Why don’t I give you my list and see what you can do. I don’t expect miracles or anything.

They are all great people. Some of them have young families or are having kids in the New Year. If you could see your way to making sure they are all happy and healthy that would be very cool.

I don’t know if you heard, but due some serious mismanagement by a series of incompetent buffoons, Ireland has been a bit economically unstable lately. If you could make sure none of my friends suffer because of this that would be great. I really couldn’t care less about bankers, politicians and fat cat businessmen. You can let them swing if you want, but if you could just make sure my friends are ok for work and can pay the bills, you’d be a legend.

Have you been reading Blog, Santa? Insertwittypopculturereferencehere? I think you’d really enjoy it. I really enjoy doing it. Being a writer is great. I have a few friends who are doing stuff they love doing too. It’s great to see them following their dreams. I’m very proud of them all. I know you’re something of a patron of the arts, so you should really make it so they do really well in 2011.

If you do that I promise I’ll be even better this year. I’ll even cut out the dubious 'relationship choices' … although I’m sure as a red blooded man you can understand some that.

I know not everyone can have a great year and there has to be sadness in some peoples life. If it’s a case that any of my friends have a tough time could you make sure they have support. If bad things happen, let them find solace somewhere. Can you make sure they know they can always talk to me if they want?

So you see Santa…Its not like I’m being greedy or mean or anything. I mean if you want to get me a publishing deal or a girlfriend who looks like Penelope Cruz, I’m very cool with that, but you should look after my friends first.

Yours sincerely

Jayhaitch.

So you see it’s not like I forgot about you guys completely. I’m sending you Christmas wishes and I’ve dedicated a blog to you. Surely that’s better than socks and Lynx deodorant box set.I can always get you a veg steamer for your birthday?

Semolina

Fifty years ago today, Paul McCartney and Pete Best were deported from Hamburg having been accused of arson. Apparently they were lighting condoms on fire to provide illumination for the bands van. One would hope that as a Knight of the realm, Sir Paul has put his prophylactic pyromania behind him.

As an opening paragraph to one of my blogs, I think that is probably one of the more interesting ones that I have done. Unfortunately it is completely apropos of nothing. I just needed to write something. And I don’t mean that as in ’I was stuck for a beginning. I mean it in the way a junkie ’needs’ to score some of that sweet sweet H. (That’s how drug addicts talk, right?)

I have basically spent the last thirty days writing as part of NaNoWriMo. If I wasn’t sitting in front of my laptop, I was in a pub or coffee shop, with pen and paper scratching my ideas down while trying not get so drunk or wired to make no sense. And if I wasn’t actually writing, I was thinking or dreaming or planning. And having not written anything now for thirty six hours, I miss it

Was it worth it? Well the quality of the work has yet to be determined. As a novel it is in its infancy, but I think some of the ideas in it are pretty good. If you enjoy reading my blogs then you’ll be happy to hear the humour and style have translated. It touches on some of the issues that we are all facing in the current climate, sociologically speaking. There is no snow.

Did I hit the target? I did. Over fifty thousand words in thirty days, actually twenty nine because I finished a day early. That’s despite, flu’s, hangovers, jobs, familys and other distractions. Having never had to write a thesis or anything of any considerable length I did wonder if I would have the discipline to follow through. Now that I know I do, I’m pretty proud of myself and I believe it really is the start of something for me.

So you’ll have to forgive me for writing another entry about me and my novel. I just really needed to write something. I was feeling guilty and restless not doing anything. I may have created a very interesting problem for myself.

Luckily I have a few projects to work on between now and when I look at doing the second draft of the novel (probably in January.) But until they get going I’ll just have to continue my self indulgence here. It is my blog after all. Its either that or I’m going to have to start burning contraceptives.


In fairness, if Paul McCartney wants to go around setting fire to johnnies, well then I hardly think it’s the place of the German constabulary to say he can’t. The man was in The Beatles for crying out loud. I was listening to Let It Be and The White Album earlier. They basically own music. Between them and George Martin they seem to have been responsible for every possible musical notion or concept. Don’t believe me? Go listen to their albums and remember, they did it first.

And yet there are people out there who would have you believe that the Beatles are aren‘t as good as their hype. I may have actually said something to that effect at one stage. When I was twelve.

If you were to type ‘The Beatles are overated’ into Google you will return over eleven hundred matches. In fairness, if you search ‘Lady GaGa is a talent less twat’ you get nine thousand so I guess the internet isn’t all wrong.

The thing about The Beatles, even on their most basic level they were brilliant. They took a song, started it with the best national anthem in the world (even when we were hating France in the World Cup we sang along at the start) and then they stuck on a the most simple human philosophy, ‘All You Need is Love.’

And even after crafting some to the most engaging, touching and down right catchy songs, Ringo went on to voice Thomas the Tank Engine. Over rated? I bet the Fat Controller doesn’t think so.