Nefarious

As someone who has never been on the receiving end of racism I can only imagine how hurtful it must be. Judging someone by the colour of their skin or their country of origins is the basest form of ignorance and pointless stupidity.

Being Irish, of course I’m sure not all my compatriots can say they’ve never experienced some from of xenophobia, either in relation to the potato eating leprechaun or the car bomb planting terrorist. We have a tendency to laugh it off now, sure we’re great crack, everyone loves us, that’s all in the past. And if you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

Maybe this is the best way to deal with bigotry although I’m sure Irish people who have suffered abuse and segregation would (understandably) disagree. It’s not so easy to be flippant when you or your family have been degraded or had to endure indignities because of where you are from.

So I can completely understand why there is such an abhorrence of a very certain ‘N-Word’ by the people who it has affected. It is a word that has been used with cruelty to degrade, belittle and alienate entire races.



What needs to be remembered however, that a word can only be as hurtful and offensive as the hate behind it. The problem isn’t the combination of letters that form the word, but the memory of murder, rape, oppression and slavery that it has been based on, sadly even to this day.

It’s this point that highlights the ludicrousness of the decision for future editions of Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn to be published without the ‘N-Word.’ It’s not the fact that the character Jim is referred to as ‘nigger’ that is offensive. It the abuse and intolerance he copes with on a daily basis.

Despite this Jim is possibly the noblest adult character in what is one of the first books to address the subject of an unequal and unjust America. Mark Twain was intelligent and articulate, one of the greatest writers of his generation. A declared liberal and civil rights supporter in a time when such things were not popular in his home state of Missouri, the only group he was attacking in his opus was the ignorant.

One of the main points of this classic work of literature is that the main character, Huck, learns to question the accepted norm, that is racist and exclusionist, and begins to treat people for who they are rather than pigmentation or class.

Censoring a word will not change the fact that racism exists or, that even today, African Americans can probably still consider themselves second class citizens. Nor will its eradication make it easier to forget the past.

Apparently some of the thinking behind it is that people won’t read it because the tome is already assumed to be racist partially due to the 219 times that the offending word is used. But with the word being used in such a way to highlight ignorance of the user, surely explanation and education is better than suppression or restriction.

The only thing that is affected by this is the work of one of the Great American Writers. When the world already suspects that as a nation, America is some what anti intellectual, why perpetuate this by messing with one of their own masterpieces?



Even I can see that it is pointless move with no benefit to anyone. And I’m just a thick Paddy.

The Man

I was planning to write something today about job titles. The thinking behind it being that I am going to on another Pueblo Ingles programme tomorrow (Volcano permitting) and I was imagining that when people ask me what I do I would tell them I am a writer. Even though I’ve never actually made any money from writing, other than the IR£10 pounds I won in ‘93 for a short story about ‘Drug abuse in the Inner City’ (it goes on, you know).

Like I said that was my plan. And I might write about that later when I’ve had a couple of drinks and am feeling a little more jovial. At the moment I am just too amazed by two of the most mind fuddling, brain dead, head-in-the-arse, petty bureaucratic decisions I have ever come been unfortunate enough to come across.

The first one is one that happened in the UK. A young man by the name of Paul Chambers, who was training to become a chartered accountant, was due to catch a flight from Yorkshire to Belfast in January. You remember January. Cold, snow, pretty miserable. Paul was worried when he heard that the airport was closed due to weather and was a bit miffed. He, like I have often done, decided to share his frustration with cyberspace.

Paul posted this on his twitter a/c. "Crap! Robin Hood Airport is closed. You've got a week... otherwise I'm blowing the airport sky high!" Not particularly funny but not something that anyone would take as serious bomb threat.

Unless of course you are were the Doncaster Police and the Criminal Prosecution Service in the UK. Paul has just been found guilty under the Communications Act of sending and indecent, obscene or menacing act. He was fined 1000 sterling and now has a criminal record. He can no longer become a chartered accountant with a criminal record and I imagine he will have a great time trying to get access to countries like the USA.

I’m not the greatest legal or political commentator. This blog here goes explains legally how this is so unbelievably unjust and covers the matter in more detail than I could do justice to. There is also a really good post about the absurdity of it all by Father Ted and Black Books writer Graham Linehan here. I’m just amazed that this can happen and that despite what I always believed about freedom of speech and expression, a man is being punished for an ill conceived comment.

At least that happened in the UK, right? There would be no such boneheaded decisions by Irish policy makers? And yet here we are. 2010, and our government have without resort to consultation or proof or reason, have banned a number of substances sold in ‘Head shops.’

These substances ‘mimic’ the effects of illegal drugs such as cocaine, cannabis and ecstasy. How do they know? What testing have they done. What evidence is there that these ‘legal highs’ are any more dangerous than the 24 bottles of Carlsberg that you can pick up in your local convenience store.

If, that’s if underlined, they are as harmful to people and society as the average Joe Duffy listener claims, then fair enough. I’m behind banning them. However what I’m not behind is the legislation that was brought in today to do so. This little piece of governmental people control states that An Garda Siochanna have the right to seek a court order to shut down any of the shops they ‘suspect’ of selling these newly illegal substances with the onus being on the shop owner to prove that they haven’t.

So basically if a garda is not happy with one of these shops he or she can set into motion the process of getting a legitimate business shut down on the grounds of nothing more than a suspicion. Anyone who is naïve enough to assume that every member of our police force is beyond reproach is in for an eye opener. How long before claims (false and true) are bandied about Garda taking or demanding bribes?

It also says a lot for the short sightedness of the government. Heaven forbid that someone is trying to make a living. It certainly seems by the increase in the number of these shops that it is a thriving industry in a time when we don’t have a lot of thriving industries. Maybe regulation, rather than criminalising is what is required here.

I know what you are going to say. “Won’t someone please think of the children?” I have news for you. If your child wants to get high, they are going to get high. Surely its better that they get something that can be monitored and regulated as opposed to the stuff they buy on the streets that could be cut with all kinds of poisons far worse than the narcotic itself.? Just an idea

Oh and in case anyone is wondering. I’ve never been in a head shop. I’ve never bought any ‘legal highs’. I only found out today while researching that they are things called mephadrone and spice products.

I just think we need to be more aware of how are liberties are encroached on everyday. I remember when I was kid and I was doing something a bit smart alec-y and someone would tell me stop. I’d come back with the always witty “it’s a free country.” Ah, the innocence of youth.

Eric

Alcohol has played quite the part in my life. Since I turned 18 ( I was only drunk once before then…Honest) I have regularly enjoyed the glorious highs and the tragic lows that come part and parcel of a trip on the booze hound express. For most people, this is not something that will come as a surprise. For others… Really? Have you not met me?

I think everyone I know has seen me at some stage in various states of inebriation. The likelihood is if you met for the first time it was probably in a bar or at a party or over drinks somewhere. People who I have worked with will have had to wait a bit longer but I think in general, I make a drunken impression pretty quickly.

I like to think I am a charming, affable, drunk. Clever and witty, with a unique outlook on the world around. I tell people I love them, (although not you M.B. it never happened,) like to hug and generally don’t want the party to end. For the most part, this is the case.

Occasionally, very occasionally mind, I have gotten a bit cranky when tipsy. If I’m in a bad mood beforehand and things aren’t going my way, I might get annoyed. If I get caught up in a discussion, it could turn into a disagreement. I’m never violent but I have on maybe 3 incidents insulted someone aggressively. Once again I would like to apologise to the “pubic haired headed freak”(you know who you are.)

Other than that I think if more people were the same as me when they were drunk, An Garda Siochanna would have a lot less to do on a Saturday night, taxi drivers would probably be a little more pleasant to deal with and hospital emergency rooms wouldn’t have such a queue.

Although, now that I think about it I have actually been to A&E twice due to drunken escapades. Once from rollerblading at 4 in the morning which resulted in a badly sprained ankle and a bruised coccyx, but it was the next day when I went to St. James‘ Hospital.

The second time was another sprained ankle, but it wasn’t mine and it wasn’t my fault. Honest. She pulled me down and I landed on her ankle. Being the gentleman that I am I escorted her to the Hospital.

There was also the pretend time I went to the hospital. What happened was, a very good drinking ‘butty o mine’ was working a split shift. We had a few afternoon libations and he got what scientists refer to as ’the goo.’

So rather than suppressing this urge and going back to work to fulfil his commitment to his employer, we came up with a rather clever ruse to excuse him of his duties. I rang up his place of work and claimed to be a rather distressed motorist. The reason for my anxiety was that I had just hit their employee with my car whilst he was cycling back to work. I was distraught and the poor cyclist was in a deal of pain.

Off course he had to be taken away in ambulance. I was going to follow him to make sure he was ok. His employer, a publican, was saddened to hear this and hoped his employee would be ok and thanked me for ringing him and letting him know. Result. Back to the bar for a celebratory round or eleven.

The next day when my buddy returned to work with a suitable pain in the head for someone who had been in hospital after a run in with a car he was surprised to find that it wasn’t all rich tea and sympathy. Apparently his boss, knowing that he was living in a strange county, away from home and family, went to the hospital to see if he was ok or needed anything. With no record of any traffic accident or my friend, the boss put two and two together and proved he wasn’t wasting his time learning of his addition tables in school.

Other things on the not so clever but oh so fun when drunk list include:

• Singing Michael Bolton and Whitney Houston songs in public (Hi Lisa!!!)
• Stair Surfing (Sliding down the stairs on a part of your body)
• Losing my virginity to a Leprechaun
• Stair Surfing in front of (as a result of) an ex Girlfriends colleagues
• Wearing Zebra print tights under a black baby doll nightie
• Getting my ear pierced

I will admit to doing lots of stupid stuff whilst under the influence of alcohol. But no one has ever really got hurt and I’m very grateful for that. The latest drink aware advert has got me thinking about it though. That’s the advert where they show supposed cctv footage of people falling down and behaving anti socially whilst drunk. They put a laugh track over it so it is like an episode of You’ve Been Framed, but it is to highlight that what you might think is a great laugh when your drunk isn’t always.

I have to say I resent that a little. Falling down when your dancing because you’ve had a couple of margaritas and you’re dizzy because Kylie Minogue is ‘Spinning Around’ is funny. It being on You’ve Been Framed isn’t.

It seems like its just another example of nanny-ist ‘careful now’ attitude that the policy makers in this country have. The ones which say I can’t buy any alcohol after 10.30pm if I want to drink it in the comfort of my own home. Although I can buy 24 bottles of Stella Artois for 21euro before 10.30 thus ensuring that I drink en masse. Responsibly of course.

Who is the 10.30 law trying to protect. Do they think for the teenagers who are likely to be drinking , that it is past their bedtime? Do they think people who want to drink for the entire night won’t be able to organise themselves enough to get to a shop at 9pm and stock up?

The alcohol and licensing laws in this country are ridiculous. I’m not sure if it’s a throw back to the catholic church influence or just further proof that those ‘in charge’ are inept morons. As a grown up I am able to control and monitor my own drinking thank you very much. Just because ‘Anto Tracksuit-McDutchGold’ wants to get in a fight after a night in the Q bar should not effect me.

Maybe if we didn’t have every bar and night club closing at the same time we wouldn’t have a mass exodus of drunken clowns on to the street at the same time. If anyone has ever been to Waterford City to see the mayhem at the crossroads where the 3 nightclubs and all the fast food take-aways are will know what I’m talking about.

People will get disgustingly drunk and messy and might want to start a fight. I put a lot of this down to the attitude towards drink we have in Ireland. It’s almost a case of which came first the Chicken or the Egg. Do we pile as much booze into us as quickly as possible because we have archaic drinking laws or do we have archaic drinking laws because we pile as much booze into as quickly as possible.

It has been going on for years and the stereo type of the drunkard Irishman did not come out of nowhere. I think sometimes we see that as a charming stereo type as opposed to what it is. The disgusting depiction of abuse and violence caused by alcohol in this country for centuries.

It really is nothing to be proud of when you are in another country and a local turns around to and says “You Irish. You are crazy. Guinness. Whiskey”

When it comes down to it though, everyone is responsible for their own behaviour and I’m a big believer in as long as no one else gets hurt do what ever feels good. So if you want to get drunk and lairy and square up to someone for ‘looking at your bird,’ don’t be a dickhead.

If you want to go get shit-faced, dance like an eejit and spend the next day in bed because of a hang over, I say go for it. I’ll get the lucozade.