Transport

Public transport is never the most pleasant of experiences. Fellow passengers can be smelly, germ ridden, inconsiderate or just downright annoying. Drivers can be impatient, rude and obnoxious. But it is a very necessary evil especially to those without a car.

So far this year, I have been forced to sit on buses for longer than I’d expected because of floods, snow, fallen trees, broken down bin lorries, livestock, Queens of England and Presidents of the United States of America. There is no more frustrating waste of time than to be sitting on a large people carrier surrounded by angry commuters who just want to get to where ever they are supposed to be going.

I’ve also just moved house and my new bus routes seem to go the longest way around to get to any point. Through various housing estates and up and down the back roads, it ensures a journey that should take twenty minutes actually takes twice as long. That is a lot of me time that I’m losing out on.

So I’ve come up with a plan that stops them stealing my time and it keeps my brain occupied. I’ve started a new blog. Yea, another one. It’s called Bus-To-Move (inspired by the Young MC 1989 hip hop classic.)

It is yet another collection of my yammering on about the random shite that enters my head but this one is slightly different to the anthology you are currently perusing. The newest blog has certain rules that have to be adhered to.

• The Blog will run for the month of November 2011 only.
• All bus journeys will be chronicled unless I have company on the bus.
• All entries must be time stamped with the same details as the bus ticket.
•    All entries have to be written while on the bus with the use of blogger on my HTC phone.
• They can only be as long as the journey takes (in the interest of logic the very last sentence can be completed after getting off.)
• All thoughts have to enter my head while on the bus. They cannot be thought about previously.
• Editing and proof reading can be done at a later date but the content of an entry cannot be changed
•     Suitable photos, videos or links can be added at a later date

In case you were worried I might start taking over your Facebook news feed or your Twitter timeline, whoring each entry, you can rest easy. I’m looking at this as a project, which you are welcome to look at if you like, but I’m not going to be pushing it.

Last November I was working on NaNoWriMo and it felt like I should do something this year to keep me busy. So it was either that or grow a Movember. And I think I’ve made my feelings clear on that topic.

So I’m only going to be doing Bus-To-Move until the end of November. I’d appreciate anyone who wants, taking a look at it then, but if you want to check out the progress as it evolves, you can find it here.

Justification

Did I tell you guys I’d written a novel? I’m sure I have, its called Status Update, contemporary humorous fiction with semi autobiographical undertones. I’ve been coasting off the back of finishing the first draft of a novel ever since I completed it in November. People ask what I do, and I would tell them, based on the fact that I managed to put sixty thousand words in cohesive order, that I was writer. What I actually am is a bit of a fraud.

Written as part of NaNoWrMo the idea was that I would take December off to recharge my batteries and start a second draft in January of this year. That would be ready by March and I could then begin to look at publishers and agents to gauge their interest and then be finishing up a third draft round about now.

The only part of that paragraph that actually happened was I took December off and I have yet to do anything productive to get back to work on ‘Status Update.’ Focus has never been one of my strong points and distraction is something I run to with open arms and a welcoming glass of wine.

In fairness, I have written some stuff. I did some work on a possible TV series with a writing partner but that got quite distracting so I pulled out. I’ve also written a few bits of short stories and I mean bits, I’m not sure any of them are finished. And I’ve got this blog, which basically allows me to lie to my own face every time I trim my beard.

As long as I dedicate myself to write one of these rambling bouts of candy floss once a week I can justify to myself that I’m a writer.
“What are you working on at the moment?” someone who is kind enough to feign an interest might ask. To which I might respond:
“Oh, it’s a think piece on why moustache wax has replaced peoples need for organised religion.”

Or some bullshit like that.

The problem is I really like being a writer; it is by far preferable to being a fraud analyst or a part time Japanese Lifestyle salesman, so it is time to get the finger out. Chatting to a friend about the original draft process, she reminded me that I used this blog as something of a motivational tool. My weekly updates would let the reader know the novels progress and I could use that as a bit of push. I didn’t want to let you guys down. If I ever do get the book published you guys are the most likely to buy it.

So here is the challenge. On the 21st of September I am due to fly out to Madrid for another Pueblo Ingles programme. By the time that comes around, if I do not have a second, bigger, better draft of ‘Status Update,’ when I return I shall stop referring to myself as a writer. I’ll hang up my biro and get a job in a call centre. I’ll shave off my beard and listen to a Script album.

If you guys could help I would really appreciate it. If you see me out in a social situation, ask what the word count is at. Question how the character development of Hannah Bracewell is going. Tell me to go home and do some fucking work.

I’ll check in again next week and let you know how it’s getting on. The plan is to have 10000 words done by this time next week. I haven’t picked a great week to begin the challenge. I’m helping out with a comedy writing workshop in Fighting Words so it’s a pretty busy week.

Excuses, excuses.

Semolina

Fifty years ago today, Paul McCartney and Pete Best were deported from Hamburg having been accused of arson. Apparently they were lighting condoms on fire to provide illumination for the bands van. One would hope that as a Knight of the realm, Sir Paul has put his prophylactic pyromania behind him.

As an opening paragraph to one of my blogs, I think that is probably one of the more interesting ones that I have done. Unfortunately it is completely apropos of nothing. I just needed to write something. And I don’t mean that as in ’I was stuck for a beginning. I mean it in the way a junkie ’needs’ to score some of that sweet sweet H. (That’s how drug addicts talk, right?)

I have basically spent the last thirty days writing as part of NaNoWriMo. If I wasn’t sitting in front of my laptop, I was in a pub or coffee shop, with pen and paper scratching my ideas down while trying not get so drunk or wired to make no sense. And if I wasn’t actually writing, I was thinking or dreaming or planning. And having not written anything now for thirty six hours, I miss it

Was it worth it? Well the quality of the work has yet to be determined. As a novel it is in its infancy, but I think some of the ideas in it are pretty good. If you enjoy reading my blogs then you’ll be happy to hear the humour and style have translated. It touches on some of the issues that we are all facing in the current climate, sociologically speaking. There is no snow.

Did I hit the target? I did. Over fifty thousand words in thirty days, actually twenty nine because I finished a day early. That’s despite, flu’s, hangovers, jobs, familys and other distractions. Having never had to write a thesis or anything of any considerable length I did wonder if I would have the discipline to follow through. Now that I know I do, I’m pretty proud of myself and I believe it really is the start of something for me.

So you’ll have to forgive me for writing another entry about me and my novel. I just really needed to write something. I was feeling guilty and restless not doing anything. I may have created a very interesting problem for myself.

Luckily I have a few projects to work on between now and when I look at doing the second draft of the novel (probably in January.) But until they get going I’ll just have to continue my self indulgence here. It is my blog after all. Its either that or I’m going to have to start burning contraceptives.


In fairness, if Paul McCartney wants to go around setting fire to johnnies, well then I hardly think it’s the place of the German constabulary to say he can’t. The man was in The Beatles for crying out loud. I was listening to Let It Be and The White Album earlier. They basically own music. Between them and George Martin they seem to have been responsible for every possible musical notion or concept. Don’t believe me? Go listen to their albums and remember, they did it first.

And yet there are people out there who would have you believe that the Beatles are aren‘t as good as their hype. I may have actually said something to that effect at one stage. When I was twelve.

If you were to type ‘The Beatles are overated’ into Google you will return over eleven hundred matches. In fairness, if you search ‘Lady GaGa is a talent less twat’ you get nine thousand so I guess the internet isn’t all wrong.

The thing about The Beatles, even on their most basic level they were brilliant. They took a song, started it with the best national anthem in the world (even when we were hating France in the World Cup we sang along at the start) and then they stuck on a the most simple human philosophy, ‘All You Need is Love.’

And even after crafting some to the most engaging, touching and down right catchy songs, Ringo went on to voice Thomas the Tank Engine. Over rated? I bet the Fat Controller doesn’t think so.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Another weekend over and another lagging behind on my target. At least I’m not letting this novel writing take over my life. Between a bit of a cold, a cutesy gig and other distractions I kind of lost out on two days of NaNoWriMo but it’ll all be good

It’s now two days past the half way point time wise and I have just reached twenty five thousand words. It’s definitely salvageable. It’s also a fantastic feeling. I’m not usually this focused nor have I ever been known for my sticking power. If I finish this project, before or after the deadline that will be the biggest achievement I could hope for going in.

While it hasn’t taken over my life it is certainly dominating my thoughts. I woke up from a dream on Friday night convinced that my subconscious had revealed a plot device that would catapult my script into the stratosphere. For twenty minutes I lay in bed trying to figure out how best to work it in. It was only at the end of this time did I remember my book had a modern day contemporary setting and any involvement my hero had with Vikings would seem a bit of a stretch in reality.

Regardless of my dream psyche trying to sabotage me, I have reached the mid way point both in word count and actual midpoint of the story. I’ve established my characters and the reasoning behind why the hero is the way he is. Going forward I will be dealing the changes he will go through and how it affects those around him. I’m excited.

Outside of Status Update (it’s still called that by the way, I’ve grown attached) this weekend started of really well. After the fantastic new of the Pulp reunion last week, I got to indulge another of my mid nineties Britpop pleasures on Saturday night. Once again thanks to my friends in the NCH I got to go along and see Cerys Matthews.

When I was in my early twenties I had an enormous crush on her and her laddish beer swilling rock and roll ways. These day the former lead singer of Catatonia has reinvented herself as something of an earth mother and exudes such charm on stage that I contemplated a stage invasion just so as I could give her a hug.

With an effusive smile a thick sexy Welsh accent, she carried off an incredibly organic first half of the show where she indulged her love of Celtic traditional songs (Irish and “Welsh) and American country. In the second half she was joined by an almost complete orchestra, which when she got accustomed to the bigger sound added to the offerings from her most recent solo work.

The warm fuzzy feeling was wrapped up with her encore. When she returned to the stage she was followed by her boyfriend who in honour of Dublin being the location of their first date, had chosen the stage of the National Concert Hall as the place to propose marriage to her.

She took, and jokingly said she would think about it but her rendition of Elvis’s “Love Me Tender” was directed solely at her suitor, left the audience in no doubt that it would be a yes. Overwhelmed by the emotion of the moment she then messed the lyric of her final song “Spancil Hill.” She blamed him for ruining her life time ambition to sing the ballad in front of an Irish audience.

A very understanding audience, who were more than happy to her another go at it. She knocked it out of the park this time.

Wordsmith

Writing is tough. I’ve basically spent the last eight days writing or thinking about at writing. I get up early and stay up late so that I can do it and squeeze in life.My brain is constantly working and I didn’t even have an episode of Glee that I could switch off with this week. I couldn’t be happier.

Since NaNoWriMo started last Monday its been hard to think of the last thing I’ve done that wasn’t related to the creative organisation of my vocabulary. I had planned that Thursday was going to be my day off. This was a day off where I worked the job that pays my bills. When I clocked off I went and enjoyed a delicious, laughter filled, Indian banquet with some friends. But when that was over I went home and did my homework for the Take Me There travel/blog writing workshop. Did I say a day off?

This is not me complaining, honestly. I’m just trying to give you an idea of what I’m doing. So far for the novel I have written just under 12000 words out of 50,000. Saturday night I was one thousand words ahead of schedule. Today I am 2k behind. In the space of two days. Its an interesting project and I’m loving the process.

For those of you who missed my shameless whoring on facebook and twitter, you will be pleased (or indifferent but definitely not enraged) to hear that someone else has thought my writing is good enough to stick on the internet. My first short story has been published in Wordlegs. A very proud moment. And judging by how I feel about the story now, I may actually make it as a temperamental artist yet.

In non writing good news, did you see Pulp have reformed. Generally I oppose to bands getting back together or doing reunion shows, but I will make an enormous exception in this case. Pulp have a catalogue of some of the most real songs you will ever hear. If you can listen to a Pulp song without actually seeing the evocative image they have painted in song, you need to switch of your TV and go and read some fucking books.

Lyrically they talk about sex and heartbreak, drugs and misspent youth, the futility and joy of life without ever resorting to cliché or condescension. You either get it or you don’t. If Jarvis Cocker where ever to write such a horrific lyric as “My Sex is on Fire” you can guaranteed it will from an encounter with Janice who works in the local bookies and he will be visiting a free clinic promptly

I’ve said here before that if I ever have a dog, I’d name him Jarvis as a tribute to Mr. Cocker. Unlike Michael Jackson’s 1996 performance at the Brits, I think he might appreciate the ridiculousness of that.

Scrivener

How’s everybody’s All Hallows eve treating them. Mine currently involves drinking cans of Polish lager and chewing far too many cheap sweets. My teeth are starting to get paranoid that our relationship is coming to an end.

This is just a quick entry to let you know about what’s going to be happening here at Insert Witty Pop Culture Reference Here ( I really wish I picked a better name) for the month of November. There is going to be a slight change in the format due to some interesting projects I’ve got going on.

November, those interested in writing will know, is a very busy month. It is National Novel Writing Month. For anyone who isn’t let me explain. NaNoWriMo as it is down is an annual event where writers from around the world (It started off in just one country and they didn’t want to lose the snappy abbreviation) attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in the calendar month.

This is my first attempt at it. There is no prize as such, other than pride but it seems to be a great motivational tool and a good way to chat to other writers and get advice and feedback on the writing process. I’ve always wanted to write a novel and the whole point of this blog was to build up a discipline to write more. So lets give it a go.

My novel was originally going to be called Daffy Duck and the Intenet Café, but I was worried that people might associate that with the Danny Boyle movie The Beach.(I presume the same character is in the Alex Garland Novel...but I haven't read it.) Then somebody did link them together so I decided to change the title. So far it is called Status Update but that is liable to change.

Hopefully it will be a Hornby-esque tale of a guy struggling to find his place in a grown up world. It sounds semi-autobiographical and to be honest there will be lots of elements of me in the hero including some of the things he does and sees. Hey, they say write what you know.

I don’t know if any of you has tried to write 50, 000 words before but considering it takes me a 2-3 hours to write a standard one of my blogs (about 1500 words.) So its quite intimidating. Editing of the 50, 000 words is discouraged as the idea of the programme is to complete the novel regardless of spelling, grammar or stylistic flow. That can all be checked in December.

Of course this means my normal blog writing schedule will suffer.

But fear not I hope to still be posting here. I plan to use the site as a way to monitor my progress on the novel and keep a kind of diary in my first proper concerted effort at producing a book. This way if you guys want to give me any tips or advice or a kick up the arse you can do it all here. I’d really appreciate it. Of course I could get so swamped that I never get the chance. But it’s a plan anyway

The plan is to do on average 2000 words a day for 6 days a week and then by the end of November Status Update should be complete…that would be awesome. One of the first blogs I did was about how I wanted to be a writer. To finish a draft of a novel I think would be the shine on what has been a good year for me as a new writer.

Also this month, I will be doing a Blog/ Travel writing workshop with award winning writer Theo Dorgan. This should be interesting. I’m not really sure what to expect but hopefully I can take away a couple of things that will help improve my output both here and in general.

There is one more thing happening to me as a writer this month that I will tell you all more about when it is ready. I will say I’m very excited about it I really hope it’s a first step of many for me in making headway in the putting words in sentences business.

Its an hour and 30 minutes before November the 1st. I’m seriously considering getting started as soon as the bells strike midnight. Wish me luck.