Jayhaitch in Review 2010- Movies

Around this time last year I wrote a piece that was subsequently the start of what as been a really interesting and fulfilling time for me. When I sat down to write Jayhaitch 2009 it was supposed to be just something throwaway and frivolous to entertain some mates on Facebook.

As I typed, what started as a joke turned into one of the most open and honest things I’ve ever done. I revealed stuff about me that I wouldn’t normally be inclined to talk about. That’s was never my aim and I was a little embarrassed by all the nice comments and feedback that I got. That said, my bashfulness was beaten down and I realised I wanted more.

I don’t mean I wanted plaudits and praise, although it was nice. I wanted people to take in an interest in what I was saying and writing seemed like a good way to get whatever message I might have, out there. And so was born this blog and the reigniting of the desire to be a writer.

That review of my year was definitely the spark that kick started everything I’ve tried to do since. Whether you think that’s a good or a bad thing or not I’ll leave up to you. Personally I loved it so much, its back. Another year older, wiser and happier.

Jayhaitch 2010 is going to be done in a couple of parts. It’s been a busy and interesting twelve months and if I tried to fit it all in to one post some readers with shorter attention spans might struggle to keep focused.

You should think of this as the aperitif. Just a little something to whet your whistle before I stick up the succulent prime cut of the personal stuff. This will just be a bit of a list of things I’ve enjoyed whilst turning the pages of my calendar. The juicy, bare all, expose will come closer to the end of the year, so make sure you check back regularly.

With a name like InsertWittyPopCultureReferenceHere, I think there is a certain responsibility on be to actually make said references regularly. And with that in mind I give you the Jayhaitch Year in Review 2010- the pop culture stuff.

Movies is probably a good place to kick this off. With the aid of my trusty UGC multipass I have once again seen a lot of movies this year. Some of them were terrible. The Expendables, Whip It, Due Date, all best forgotten. I’ve already expressed my opinion on the abombination that was The Karate Kid. But I want to focus on the good, not the bad and the ugly.

I’m not going to do a top ten or my favourite or whatever. There are plenty of magazines, newspapers and blogs that will and have been doing that for years. Yes, Inception probably was the film of the year and Scott Pilgrim versus the World is so much fun that I saw it three times in the cinema and still continue to shout ‘We are Sex Bob-omb and we are here to make you sad and think about death and stuff’ at regular intervals.

The likelihood is you already know that. And if you don’t, you will be able to read about it in other publications year in review pieces. Both movies got a lot of mainstream coverage when they came out and proved quite popular with ticket buyers. If you haven’t seen them, then along with these other mainstream movies from this year you should catch them on sky movies or get them from Xtra Vision.

• Up In The Air
• The Social Network ( A movie about Facebook!!)
• How to Train Your Dragon
• The Town (Affleck is a much better director than actor)
• Shutter Island (Inception would never have worked without this. Di Caprio finally seems like a grown up)
• Hot Tub Time Machine (yes seriously. Its laugh out loud funny and its got John Cusack…you know how I feel about Cusack)
• Kick Ass (ultra violence, profanity from minors, the banana split theme tune, what’s not to like)

No, what I’m more interested in is letting you know about some of the great movies that you may have missed. Maybe they weren’t marketed very well or they were only shown one week in mainstream cinemas and that was the week Sex and the City 2 was out and it was the wife’s turn to pick.

I thoroughly enjoyed all these movies and I believe my intelligent clued in readers with a sense of humour would get something from them too. Even if you don’t like all of them, I believe there will be at least one that will enrich your life, even if its just for a little while.

• Gainsbourg- Vie Heroique (Quirky bio pic of quirky French chanteur. It has weird puppets and it validates somewhat that even ugly French people are sexy while the pretty ones are super sexy)
• Winters Bone (Amazing break through performance from Jennifer Lawrence in this redneck film noir)
• A Prophet (Hard hitting French prison drama)
• Four Lions ( Where to start? A black comedy about British Islamic fundamentalist who plan to suicide the London Marathon whilst disguised as characters from breakfast cereal boxes. Hilarious and sad. Satire and Farce. From Chris Morris the creator of Brasseye, Jam and the Day Today.)
• Sex and Drugs and Rock n Roll (Another musical biopic, this time of cockney geezer Ian Dury)
• Bad Lieutenant : Port of Call- New Orleans
• Worlds Greatest Dad (This and Bad Lieutenant are so good that I was able to ignore the fact that two actors whom I despise are the leads)

Many of these films were overlooked by the popcorn brigade which is real shame. None of them are easy watching and that might explain the poor box office. It might require a bit more effort to view these movies but if you have any faith in anything I say, trust me. It will be worth it.

A Hundred Hundreds Bonus Blog

Well would you look at that. My blog has been viewed over 1000 times. Thats pretty cool. I don't know what i was expecting out of it but it has been very enjoyable doing it and I have to say its been great for my ego getting some lovely feedback and whatnot.

The whole writing experience has been a huge positive for me. It has helped me have some direction in this my year of 'bo-ho, slacker utopia' as Steve likes to call it and it has also been therapeutic when a professional therapist is beyond my price range.

And they say you can't put a price on mental health. You can you know. €60 a week.

But I digress.

Like all the greats, Kanye, Paula Abdul, Ashton Kutcher, I'd be nothing without you the reader. You make me want to be a better man. If I could i'd stand outside all your houses with a boombox blasting Peter Gabriel held aloft.

So as a 'reward' for allowing me to feed my self indulgence, I'm going to post the first thing I committed to paper.

Its really just an idea. Its not something I would consider a finished work and I have since taken the beginning and used it another, very different story. I look at it now as stepping stone.

I guess some of it is partially biographical, but its the biography of a different me at a different time in my life.

Anyway....normal blog service will resume this week, in the meantime thanks to anyone who has read anything i've written here.

Oh and I'm aware 100 100's isn't One thousand....well I am now.

The Most Disapproving Man in the World

As I turned into the drive he was standing there in the doorway. Waiting. Judging. With the exception of a few more wrinkles the grimace on his face was the same as the one he had fifteen years ago the time I told him about my decision about College. My Dad. The most disapproving man in the world.

Deep Breaths. Count to then. I opened the door to my latest purchase. A green, second hand Fiat Punto automobile. Twelve years old. Two previous owners.

“Hi”, I said as I stepped out. “What do you think of her?”

“How’s it going” he muttered as he approached the car. “What sort of color is that supposed to be?”

He walked around the car. Taking in every detail. Looking her up and down. My Dad knows very little about auto mechanics. But he knows I know even less. As he circled the Punto he kicked each tyre. Three times he tapped it wheel with his size 11 moccossins. Ha. I had done that when I bought it. Everyone knows to kick the tyres. It makes you look in the know. He grimaced and scratched the back of his head as he ran his fingers along the paintjob.

He questioned me as he opened the bonnet and looked at the engine. What he thought he would get from looking at it is another thing.

“ Is it a diesel engine, yea? You know that means you can’t but petrol in it? What kind of mileage is on it? Was the sales guy foreign?”

Each answer I gave him was met with a look of unbelieving. When I responded to his enquiry about the price he scoffed.

“They must have had really big windows.”

I don’t know why I put myself through it. I’m a grown man. I have a nice little business. I have friends who are actual mechanics. But I still decided to give my dad a call when I bought the car. Its good for us. He gets to think he still knows best. And besides. If he wasn’t giving out, he’d probably just sit around missing mum.

I noticed the complaining started getting worse since the funeral. He complained about the egg sandwiches at the wake. He complained about the state of the bathrooms in the funeral home. He complained about the size of the knot in my tie. He complained. He liked it.

My Dad. The worlds greatest complainer.

As he slammed the bonnet shut he asked me if I wanted a cup of tea.

“Sure” I said, walking up the steps of the porch entering through the hall door.

“ And will you take a look at the computer, I can’t get on to my online bingo”

I hated when he asks me to look at the computer.

“I’ll take a look but I can’t promise you anything” I felt like I was pleading for leniency.

“Sure didn’t you go to college” was the answer he like to trot out on these occassions

“Yea, I studied art appreciation” I tried to defend myself.

“I know”he said. And I saw that old familiar grimace one more time.

Satellite

“Let me take you on a journey. A journey into German Opera”

The above statement was contained in a text message I received recently. Apropos of nothing, that would be quite a vague sentence for anyone to take the time to type. However, it been preceded by a rant about the banalities of the current crop of BBC presenters and their insistence on using clichés when segueing into the next link, gave it some credence

It had come from a friend who had just heard that very sentence used on T.V. Angered and appalled by such tired presenting she felt the need to text me and vent her frustration (She also text me when McDreamy was shot…whatever that means.) I agreed with her that is was ridiculous and trite and we concurred that he should be taken out and beaten about the face with potted plants. It was an enjoyable conversation. She told me I could use it in my blog.

Now there a couple of reasons why I wouldn’t do this (oh the irony.) The first reason is that “Let me take you on a journey” is used at the start of The Mighty Boosh. A wacky comedy show that the ‘kids’ love. I enjoyed its off the cuff irreverence at first. The more I watched and the more I heard the ‘kids’ saying how genius it was the more I questioned it. Its really not as clever or as funny as it thinks it is.


One word that is constantly bandied about when describing it original. Its no more original than I am. Its style and humour can directly be traced back through the likes of Vic and Bob, The Goodies, Monty Python and The Goons. I’m not saying its terrible but they didn’t invent comedy as some internet boards would have you believe. In fairness my problem is probably more with their fans than their comedy.

The second reason I wouldn’t be using it in my blog, is because it wasn’t my idea. If it had come to me naturally after the conversation well then I would have used it. A clever little dissection of the decline in quality televisual reportage. However because she suggested it, it would be a little cheeky of me to take her idea and claim it as my own.

It did however make a nice change to have someone suggest that I could use something I shared with them on here. People have become a little paranoid about meeting me. Many conversations and encounters are suffixed with, “don’t talk about this on your blog.”

I find this a little offensive to be honest. Over the years people have trusted me enough to share secrets with me. A vast range of confidentialities have been entrusted to me. I have never once felt the need to share. And some of them would make great stories. Who wouldn’t want to hear about the girl who cries out “Oh thank you, Easter Bunny” at the height of passion (you know who you are.) But I have never betrayed her trust.

Also what they fail to understand , is that its not about them. Even if they are featured in one of my pieces, its not about them. Its about me. I know that sounds a little egotistical but hear me out. Even if someone is involved in one of my little tales, its not them I am talking about. Its an imaginary version of them that I have created to fit my mood. Doesn’t everyone do that?

I guess its like that part in High Fidelity (the book, not the movie) where Rob is talking about how he is the star in the movie of his own life, but when it comes down to it he’s probably only an extra in a crowd scene in someone else’s movie. For someone else’s movie, I’m probably left on the editing room floor. But here on Insert Witty Pop Culture Reference Here, I’m the character, subtext, romantic subplot, comedy relief and gratuitous nude scene. But none of that would make any sense without my supporting cast. (That’s a compliment I swear.)

So in the context of the movie of my life, I’ve decided to cast it with the crop of Hollywood's finest. Of course I can’t cast everyone who has ever featured in my life so some of the characters are a composite of more than one person from reality.

Of course to play me I would love to cast John Cusack. He’s smart, funny, has a good track record of playing men struggling to reach maturity. However I don’t think people would buy him as me. Instead I am going to cast him as a cross between a spirit guide and my conscience. He will play the part Adeela, my therapist (who by the way was lady of Pakistani origins, Cusack has got range.)

To play the role of my parents I am going to reunite one of Hollywood's power couples from back in the day. The part of my Dad will be played by Jack Nicholson. Mostly because some of Jack’s facial are very similar to my dads. To the point where I was uncomfortable watching As Good as it Gets. His wife will be played by a woman who has played a lot of Irish mammies lately, Angelica Huston.

My two oldest friends will be played by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, despite the possibility of Affleck being attacked by lumberjacks. My other friends will include, Kevin Bacon, Jarvis Cocker, The League of Gentlemen, James Galdofini, Dylan Moran and Basil Brush.

The love interests will be played by Reese Witherspoon, Jeanane Garoffolo and Uma Thurman. Oooh I can hear the women I’ve known wondering out who is whom as I type. They are compositions ladies.

I suppose for me we are looking at someone like Jack Black. I do however find his schtick really irritating these days. So instead I considered going to go with the greatest actor of his generation, Philip Seymour Hoffman but when I thought about it, he’s just doesn’t have the requisite sex appeal. Clooney and Pitt are too ‘traditionally’ handsome and Johnny Depp is frankly a terrible actor. So I’m left with no choice but to play myself in my opus.

And off course I’ll find a role for my good friend Glen, who is a professional actor and this week is appearing in J.P. Shanley's ‘Doubt’ in the Teachers Club on Parnell Square West. It is an excellent play and I heartily recommend you go see it if you can.

I’ve even thought about some songs that should be on the soundtrack. It contains music from people like Whale, Paul Simon, Avril Lavigne, Fighting Spiders and Elton John. It would be a must have album for a generation. Like the soundtrack to Pulp Fiction or Trainspotting.

I am aware that this makes me sound incredibly egotistical. However, surely everyone is entitled to be an icon in their own head at least. I’d love to hear who you would pick to play you in the movie of your life.

I guess most people wouldn’t be vain enough to post it on the internet for all to read. Let me have this one thing. Let me be a star. In fairness, in the movie of your life I’ll probably be played by Leo from Fair City.

Sandwich

One of my favourite things to eat these days is a sandwich. Some nice bread…walnut maybe or if not just some fresh thick cut brown bread. Slightly toasted. I then add a generous helping of Pesto. I tend to use Jamie Oliver’s but any will do. Then two big chunks of Black Pudding (obviously some brands are better than others), straight from the pan. Hot and still sizzling. I then flake some parmesan cheese over it and watch as it melts from the heat of the pudding. Delicious.

To some people that actually sounds disgusting. I can understand that. For while its delightful treat to me these days, I wouldn’t have always thought so. When I was younger, I never really liked black pudding. There was something about it. It looked rubbery and it smelt funny.

Back then I probably didn’t know what pesto was and I certainly wasn’t going to be eating anything green and runny. The Cheese? No way. Too strong tasting for my likes. Besides cheese in Crumlin means Easy Singles. Anything else is for snobs.

And I always preferred white pudding to black. Some people might not know black pudding. Its usually called blood sausage in other parts of the world. I don’t know what white pudding is called.

I should explain. Being a young man in Crumlin, life was very simple. Jumpers for goalpost, Home when the streetlights came on and all food was boiled or deep fried. We didn’t bother with things like seasoning…or heaven forbid flavour. Things were cooked until they started to fall apart and eaten with brown sauce or ketchup between two slices of Brennan’s slice white pan.

Now that I’m 33, a man of the world with an mature and educated pallet? I really cannot get enough of those ingredients combined to make the worlds tastiest and handiest snack. And you can eat it at any time of the day. Breakfast, lunch, late night snack. Just amazing. An explosion of various flavours which pretty much make my day whenever I indulge.

It does make me realise how my tastes have change. When I was younger there was so much that I just didn’t like the taste of. Strong cheese, Red wine, Olives, Coffee. All these things that the twenty year old me would have rejected like Duncan Bannatyne turns down a shoddy business proposal. Now they are the first on my shopping list.

Its not just my opinions on sophisticated dinner party snacks of suburbia. I don’t have the same outlook when it comes to things like movies, music and people even.

One of my best friends in the world these days used to annoy the life out of me. But now I won’t hear a bad word said about her and all her really annoying habits. Singing and dancing in the car. Watching hours on end of Living TV. Her borderline alcoholism, I don’t care. I still love the bones of her. She knows who she is.

I used to think the two best bands in the world were Ocean Colour Scene and Oasis. In that order.

One of my favourite TV programmes was This Life (no, not the consumer affairs programme with Esther Rantzen). The 1996 BBC drama centred around 5 twenty something’s just graduated from college, finding their way in the world now that they had to face up with responsibilities like work. I loved it. They drank. They swore. They had sex. They had problems not exactly like the ones I had…but ones that I’d like to have. The programme just appealed to me. It was raw and gritty. It was real.

One drunken night 12 years later I decided I wanted to see how Miles and Egg and Millie and Anna were. I even wanted to check in on Ferdie. So I went on to amazon.co.uk and bought series 1 and 2 of This Life DVD box set (I should have never been given a credit card and the internet). I was very excited when it arrived. I watched three episodes in row as soon as I could. Something didn’t seem right. They were awful. There wasn’t a single character who didn’t need a good slap.

And it wasn’t that it had dated as such. These were the people who spoke to me so vociferously a decade earlier. But everything they had to say was just so awful. They complained and moaned. They cheated on their partners. They had a hard time in work so they took Class A narcotics. Life was hard for them. So!!! Life is hard for everyone. Being a sorry self centred middle class British twit won‘t change it.

It wasn’t them. It was me. My taste had changed. I was being overly nostalgic about some cult TV programme from when I was 20. In the bigger picture how I felt about these characters was unimportant. It did get me thinking though. How do we know if something is good or just cool

This Life was zeitgeist. At the time people thought it was groundbreaking TV. Oasis where at one stage one of the biggest cultural (I use the word loosely) phenomena on the planet. Green Day used to be edgy punks.

When I was twenty I may at one stage or another denounced the following. The Beatles, Goodfellas and the work of Martin Scorcesse in general, Woody Allen , Frank Sinatra, Jazz music and any kind of cinema which involved any of the 3 subs (subtext, subtitles or submarines….still not crazy on submarine movies).Over the years I have avoided things like the Sopranos, Amelie and Bob Dylan because they didn’t seem like my cup of tea.

Without wanting to sound blatantly obvious, like JD at the end of every episode of Scrubs, I guess what I’m trying to say is try everything. And if its not great at first. Try it again. Give it a chance. One thing that drives me batty are people who won’t try something because it sounds weird. Live Life you blinkered buffoon. Its people like you who give the Irish a bad reputation as little islanders with bad skin and poor love making ability.

Woo. Sorry about that. Rant over.

So my taste has changed. Thankfully. But does that make me any better as a person? Probably to be honest.

I know, of course, that no one should be judged on their taste . I mean just because someone likes the latest Muse album does that really make them a bad person. No it doesn’t. It just means they have terrible taste in music. Or maybe they are 12.

There is a part in High Fidelity were John Cusack says that its more important what somebody likes than what they are like. Of course as he ’grows’ he realises this isn’t necessarily true. But maybe he has a point. Could you spend the rest of your life with someone who thought 2 pints of lager and a Packet of Crisps was cutting edge comedy.

And lets be honest, who hasn’t judged me based on my pesto and pudding sandwich?