I wrote this stuff in an attempt to impress a girl. She was having a hard time at home with her sister who was a born again christian.
Drawing inspiration from the likes of 'The Life of Brian' and Bill Hicks I decided that if I could satirize religion (this is 26 year olds me attempt at satire,)it would be a sure fire way to win her heart. Or at least loosen some buttons.
The last line was misguided attempt to tackle a second sacred cow of Americana...like I said, I was trying to be like Bill Hicks
10 Things you didn't know about God.
1) Contrary to the popular belief he wasn't born in a stable. He was born in a private Maternity Ward in Uptown Bethlehem. His mother Melanie had an epidural.
2)He performed his first miracle at the age of two months when he turned his mothers breast milk to wine
3)He once got a D in Religious Education when he could not explain how he could be 3 persons in one. Judas got an A for his comparison of Jesus to a Shamrock.
4) The argument of evolution over God Creation was caused by the early arrival of puberty. The Apes were also made in his likeness, he just couldn't shave very well.
5)His first girlfriend was Elizabeth the Millers Daughter. She dumped him after he told his friends he had seen her boobs.
6)His stigmata were caused by an incident with some javelins and a slippy gym floor.
7)He always ate egg and chips on a Thursday.
8)He was a member of the Bad Dudes before joining rival gang the apostles.
9)The loaves and fishes story was actually a shared McFish Sandwich he and Peter had after a night on the beer.
10) He was gay....So was Elvis.
What did poor old Elvis do to deserve that? Eh? :P
ReplyDelete