Mutual

September 10th 2009.A pretty non eventful day for many although not without consequence. One day before the anniversary the World Trade Centre attack it was surely significant for relatives of victims. A shared birthday for the unlikely celebrity trio of Ryan Philippe, Joe Perry and Arnold Palmer. Who can forget that it was 32nd anniversary of the last person to be guillotined in France? That being Hamida Djandoubi of course.

For me, however, it is a momentous date. It was on that day that my life changed, hopefully forever, and I began on what has since proved to be the happiest, most fulfilled period of my life. That is because on that day, exactly one year ago from the day when I type this, I walked out of Meteor Mobile Communications for the last time.

It was an amazing day. I was embarking on the biggest adventure into the unknown I’d ever taken. I had no idea what lay ahead. And I couldn’t have been more excited.

I know in this time of economic uncertainty that anyone excited about losing a job must be considered a mental health risk. Well if I’m honest in my case it was the exact opposite. Leaving Meteor was the best thing I could ever do for my sanity.

I’ve spoken before about how I was stressed by the job of Fraud Analyst and how it was genuinely affecting my health but I’m not sure if that paints a full and fair picture. Its not that the job itself was particularly stressful on its own. My performance in the role wasn’t good enough really. This was mostly due to not liking the job in any way.

If I was getting any joy from the job I probably would have worked harder. The work I did would possibly have been better. I would not have made the same basic mistakes over and over again. But I didn’t. This led me down the road to what is known as the ‘Disciplinary Process.’

You’ve all heard of it I’m sure. You sit down and discuss how ‘we’ can work on ‘our’ issues. If that isn’t successful you then have things like ‘Training Programmes.’ This is followed by warnings of the verbal and written nature.

If I had been honest, with myself and with my boss, when we were discussing ‘my issues’ I would have said I hate this job and left there and then. That, however, is not really a practical move. Everyone hates their job, right? No one walks away from a very decent job and decent package because they don’t like it. You suck it up, right?

And that’s what I tried to do. I ended up creating cycle of misery that was constantly perpetuating. I’d hate the job so I’d make a mistake so I’d hate the job so I’d make a mistake so I’d….you get the idea.
Have you ever rang in sick just because you know you made a mistake? It doesn’t make the mistake go away. It just delays having to deal with it. This I know from experience.

Without going into too much detail, one of my mistakes got so out of hand that it was the focus of a report by the RTE news programme Primetime. A call-back to a customer, something very simple, that I didn’t do got escalated to the point where it was on national TV. I didn’t call him back because he wasn’t listening to me anyway so I said fuck him.

Not great customer service I know but the results did seem a little exaggerated. Imagine having your boss call you to a meeting and say you messed up on this and by the way the country’s broadcasters are going to be covering it. That’s a lot of pressure. That was the straw before the straw that broke the camels back.

To be honest I can’t even remember what the actual final nail was. All I remember was I was on a weeks holiday away from it and recharging my batteries for one more push at being a dedicated, diligent and committed Fraud Analyst. On the Friday before I was due to start back I got a phone call from one of my colleagues. Just giving me a heads up, something I was supposed to do had gone awry.

A whole week off of relaxing and gearing myself up for once more into breech, gone. Out the window. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was dreading Monday and was fully expecting that I would go in on Monday morning and be fired. What happened next was an unexpected piece of fortune

Not wanting to endure the whole rigmarole that goes along with these disciplinary meetings I went in ready to end it all. Like a Samurai about to perform Seppuku I explained I knew what had happened and I knew what the repercussions would be. I asked them to make it quick as I wanted to get it over with as I was tired of it all and if it wasn’t for the fact that I couldn’t sign on the dole I would quit right now.

This apparently was some secret magic formula. The powers that be went from being my (self-perceived) worst enemies to being the people who were happy to help me set up what was to become my new life. A package was agreed and I would be ending my working relationship with Meteor by mutual agreement. MUTUAL AGREEMENT. Just like Martin O’Neill.

I finished up two days later. They were keen not to drag it out. In fairness if I was slacking off when I was trying to keep my job what would I be like when I knew I was going.

On my final day I had an exit meeting with my manager. For the first time ever I was able to just be honest about my feelings for the job. It was really liberating.

I do need to make one thing clear. Meteor Mobile Communications is a great company to work for (or they were most of the time I was there.) I have no bad blood against them or my managers who were doing their job when I wasn’t doing mine. I was just not meant to that job. Since then I think I’ve figured out that I’m not cut out for office work in general. I think Meteor bore the brunt of my brain and spirit rebelling against 8 years in an air conditioned, neon lit purgatory.

When I left the exit meeting my colleagues were waiting with cake and biscuits to say goodbye. It was really nice. They didn’t really know the circumstances of my leaving and as we sat around and chatted about what I was going to do it began to feel more and more that not only was it the right decision but it felt like it was my decision.

One colleague asked if I was going to miss them. I the time I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to offend anyone. As people I knew I would miss some of them but I wouldn’t miss going into that office to see them everyday. If I were to see any of them in the outside world I’d be delighted.

So once the cake and biscuit was gone and the goodbyes were said, I was escorted from the building. A standard procedure but it still felt funny. I didn’t mind though. They could have had an armed response unit throw me out the door and I’d still be delighted. I got in my car and drove into the afternoon sun having chosen Ghost Town by the Specials as the song to play as I left the Meteor car park for the last time.

Of course it can be argued that with hindsight it’s easy to say it was the best thing to ever happen to me. But even then, as soon as I realised I was free, I knew ‘it’ would work out for me. Whatever ‘it’ was. I had no idea what I wanted to do, or where I could do it. I just knew I’d be happy.

And I am. I work part time to pay the bills. I do some voluntary work which is incredibly rewarding and I have the time to pursue a dream of being a writer. I mean that’s what I’ve always wanted to be. I remember being child with the whole world in front of him. Then a teenager with hopes, not twisted by years of working a spirit sapping low reward jobs. First he wanted to be Indiana Jones and then a writer.

I don’t recall him ever wanting to be a Fraud Analyst.