Nuptial

Yesterday, the bastion of journalistic integrity, the Metro Herald reported that getting married and/or divorced can cause you to gain weight. Based on a study carried out in Ohio State University the article claimed that women weight just after the wedding while the male body is affected most by the stress of failed unions.

Having never been married I can’t really argue for or against this point but I do have a story about a wedding which actually caused me to lose weight.

Before I was doing whatever it is I am doing now, I used to work in the Mobile Communications industry and one of my employers was Vodafone Ireland. Vodafone’s base of operations was situated out in Stillorgan, a suburb of Dublin which unless it has changed in the five years since I left, has absolutely nothing of interest in it. Because of its situation in the middle of nowhere they used to bus staff in from more populated areas.

Head Office was a big glass building, not too dissimilar to an airport but with less chance of escape. They had abseiling window cleaners to make sure it sparkled inside and out. It was equipped with a gym and huge staff canteen, with subsidised meals and drinks, because there was nowhere else to get anything else to eat around.

What this usually meant was that you would lunch with your colleagues whether you wanted to or not, in a lot of cases, I did not. One such case was a girl whose actual name, for the life of me, I cannot remember. She will forever be known to me as Bridezilla.

This lady was engaged to be married and as such every conversation for an entire year revolved around the expense of hiring a band, the material for a self designed dress, wedding favours and whatever else she was doing before she frog marched ‘my James’ up the aisle. I often wondered if her James might have some sort of mental problem.

It got to the stage where I couldn’t take it anymore and the appearance of Bridezilla would quickly put me off my lunch. In a big open plan canteen where there is nowhere to hide, it’s hard to find a quiet spot to avoid the latest travesty of the two bridesmaids not getting on. So I went without food. It was good for my peace of mind and my waistline.

Getting married seems to be a lot of expense and hassle for what is essentially a bit of a party. Of the seven or eight weddings I have been a guest at, I’ve always tended to enjoy the ones done on a smaller, simpler scale. I wonder how much of that has to do with the people actually getting married being less stressed because they didn’t take on so much.

The institution of marriage is not something I’ve any real interest in. I don’t believe that a piece of paper is needed to show commitment to the person you love. You can do that with three very simple words. Even if you do tie the knot, there is no guarantee that it will last, especially with young couples. Ironically the divorce rate in the UK is at its lowest in decade because people are waiting until later in life before committing.

I don’t want to spoil the party, it’s a great day out for the family and apparently it’s the biggest day in a girl’s life. All I’m saying is maybe she needs to reassess her priorities.