Sandwich

One of my favourite things to eat these days is a sandwich. Some nice bread…walnut maybe or if not just some fresh thick cut brown bread. Slightly toasted. I then add a generous helping of Pesto. I tend to use Jamie Oliver’s but any will do. Then two big chunks of Black Pudding (obviously some brands are better than others), straight from the pan. Hot and still sizzling. I then flake some parmesan cheese over it and watch as it melts from the heat of the pudding. Delicious.

To some people that actually sounds disgusting. I can understand that. For while its delightful treat to me these days, I wouldn’t have always thought so. When I was younger, I never really liked black pudding. There was something about it. It looked rubbery and it smelt funny.

Back then I probably didn’t know what pesto was and I certainly wasn’t going to be eating anything green and runny. The Cheese? No way. Too strong tasting for my likes. Besides cheese in Crumlin means Easy Singles. Anything else is for snobs.

And I always preferred white pudding to black. Some people might not know black pudding. Its usually called blood sausage in other parts of the world. I don’t know what white pudding is called.

I should explain. Being a young man in Crumlin, life was very simple. Jumpers for goalpost, Home when the streetlights came on and all food was boiled or deep fried. We didn’t bother with things like seasoning…or heaven forbid flavour. Things were cooked until they started to fall apart and eaten with brown sauce or ketchup between two slices of Brennan’s slice white pan.

Now that I’m 33, a man of the world with an mature and educated pallet? I really cannot get enough of those ingredients combined to make the worlds tastiest and handiest snack. And you can eat it at any time of the day. Breakfast, lunch, late night snack. Just amazing. An explosion of various flavours which pretty much make my day whenever I indulge.

It does make me realise how my tastes have change. When I was younger there was so much that I just didn’t like the taste of. Strong cheese, Red wine, Olives, Coffee. All these things that the twenty year old me would have rejected like Duncan Bannatyne turns down a shoddy business proposal. Now they are the first on my shopping list.

Its not just my opinions on sophisticated dinner party snacks of suburbia. I don’t have the same outlook when it comes to things like movies, music and people even.

One of my best friends in the world these days used to annoy the life out of me. But now I won’t hear a bad word said about her and all her really annoying habits. Singing and dancing in the car. Watching hours on end of Living TV. Her borderline alcoholism, I don’t care. I still love the bones of her. She knows who she is.

I used to think the two best bands in the world were Ocean Colour Scene and Oasis. In that order.

One of my favourite TV programmes was This Life (no, not the consumer affairs programme with Esther Rantzen). The 1996 BBC drama centred around 5 twenty something’s just graduated from college, finding their way in the world now that they had to face up with responsibilities like work. I loved it. They drank. They swore. They had sex. They had problems not exactly like the ones I had…but ones that I’d like to have. The programme just appealed to me. It was raw and gritty. It was real.

One drunken night 12 years later I decided I wanted to see how Miles and Egg and Millie and Anna were. I even wanted to check in on Ferdie. So I went on to amazon.co.uk and bought series 1 and 2 of This Life DVD box set (I should have never been given a credit card and the internet). I was very excited when it arrived. I watched three episodes in row as soon as I could. Something didn’t seem right. They were awful. There wasn’t a single character who didn’t need a good slap.

And it wasn’t that it had dated as such. These were the people who spoke to me so vociferously a decade earlier. But everything they had to say was just so awful. They complained and moaned. They cheated on their partners. They had a hard time in work so they took Class A narcotics. Life was hard for them. So!!! Life is hard for everyone. Being a sorry self centred middle class British twit won‘t change it.

It wasn’t them. It was me. My taste had changed. I was being overly nostalgic about some cult TV programme from when I was 20. In the bigger picture how I felt about these characters was unimportant. It did get me thinking though. How do we know if something is good or just cool

This Life was zeitgeist. At the time people thought it was groundbreaking TV. Oasis where at one stage one of the biggest cultural (I use the word loosely) phenomena on the planet. Green Day used to be edgy punks.

When I was twenty I may at one stage or another denounced the following. The Beatles, Goodfellas and the work of Martin Scorcesse in general, Woody Allen , Frank Sinatra, Jazz music and any kind of cinema which involved any of the 3 subs (subtext, subtitles or submarines….still not crazy on submarine movies).Over the years I have avoided things like the Sopranos, Amelie and Bob Dylan because they didn’t seem like my cup of tea.

Without wanting to sound blatantly obvious, like JD at the end of every episode of Scrubs, I guess what I’m trying to say is try everything. And if its not great at first. Try it again. Give it a chance. One thing that drives me batty are people who won’t try something because it sounds weird. Live Life you blinkered buffoon. Its people like you who give the Irish a bad reputation as little islanders with bad skin and poor love making ability.

Woo. Sorry about that. Rant over.

So my taste has changed. Thankfully. But does that make me any better as a person? Probably to be honest.

I know, of course, that no one should be judged on their taste . I mean just because someone likes the latest Muse album does that really make them a bad person. No it doesn’t. It just means they have terrible taste in music. Or maybe they are 12.

There is a part in High Fidelity were John Cusack says that its more important what somebody likes than what they are like. Of course as he ’grows’ he realises this isn’t necessarily true. But maybe he has a point. Could you spend the rest of your life with someone who thought 2 pints of lager and a Packet of Crisps was cutting edge comedy.

And lets be honest, who hasn’t judged me based on my pesto and pudding sandwich?

The Challenge

So a new year is upon us. As I’ve all ready said 2009 was a good for me. I’ve tried to understand myself more and figure out what my role is here in life. I like to think I’ve got a better grip on the big mystery of John. I mean I’m still kinda clueless about what I want out of life. I’ve no idea where I’m going. But I think I’ve started to recognise where I was going wrong. So now I can see if I’m heading down the wrong path and make the necessary changes.

I think change is what’s important. I’ve gotten this far in life without really trying to take control of it. I’ve floated along, accepting ‘what is’ as ‘what will always be’. From that attitude I think I’ve managed to cultivate a level of insouciance that one would expect from a surly teenager when asked if he’d like beans or spaghetti hoops with his fish fingers.

Acceptance is a big thing in my life. I don’t question. I never challenge. I settle. By settling I have allowed myself to become stagnant. I don’t have a significant relationship because its easier for me to stay alone and not compromise. I don’t have a career that compels me because I preferred to just take a job and the money than push myself. Getting a qualified was too much of an effort for me. I’d rather just lie around and drop out.

Taking the easy path has always been my way of life. The simple less stressful answer. Maybe it’s a compulsion issue. I have shown a tendency to make a decision quickly, without fully weighing up the consequences and just go with it. Ironically, I think I have done this in an effort to show that I can be decisive and have just ended up wandering lost still without fully making a decision in my life.

So. Now is the time to change all that. I am in a position where I am mentally more ready for big changes than I have ever been. I’m currently semi- unemployed (working in Muji is fun but I don’t think it will last much into the new year). I have the time and the willingness to take on a big project.

I’m going to do a lot more writing. I’m going to write a lot and often. I’m going to blog. I’m going to work on my Lisa De La Lingua novel. I’m going to try and write some articles and get them published. I’m going to write for competitions. And I am going to take on a challenge and document it.

As a person I like to think I’m pretty smart. I have a good general knowledge. I’ve read books. I can generally hold a conversation with anyone and not come off sounding like a taxi driver. However, my understanding of the important things in the world is pretty poor. Environment, politics, economy, poverty, war. I see them on the news and I can’t switch over fast enough. Partly because life is bleak enough do I need to start worrying about the rest of the world and partly because I don’t fully understand what is going on. ( I just stopped writing there to put on Marvin Gaye- Whats Going On? Great album) So I’m setting myself a challenge. I’m going to learn about stuff. And I’m going to record it.

I’m going to set out to develop a social conscience and I’m going to look into what people my age know and understand in relation to the important things in life. I’m going to document my journey from here in my state of political ignorance and see where I end up this time next year.

I think its an interesting concept and also an interesting challenge to see if I can follow through with it. I think if I can do that I’ll have travelled a long way. Hopefully as i go along I can update my progress on here.

Jayhaitch in Review 2009

I really like this time of year. Sleighbells ringing, snow is falling and you better watch out you better not cry. Yes its Christmas and tis the season to be jolly. Everyone is generally in a bit of a better mood. Whether they are addled by the party season or goodwill to all men is debatable. But everyone likes Christmas. Including grumpy old J.H.

And one of the reasons I love Christmas is because its near the end of the year. And every magazine, newspaper, television show and soapbox pontificator does a review of the best and worst of the year. And in the tradition of such I want to do mine.

You can, however, relax. I’m not going to do a best of movies or music or cups of coffee that I’ve sampled. I’m going to a top ten things of all things John Holohan in 2009. (That might include some movies or music but only in a good way).

So here it is. In no particular order. Jay Haitch’s 2009 in review. If you read it and you like it, maybe you’ll do your own.

10:Therapy

This time last year I was a wreck. My blood pressure was of the charts. I was constantly having headaches. I was stressed out by work. I was depressed. I went to my G.P. and she recommended some counselling sessions. I’m not sure of your take on counselling but here was mine. Is there a stigma? Surely its just for neurotic Americans? Do I really need it? What will I get from it?

The answer to these questions are; the stigma is only in your head. I was amazed how good and supportive my friends were. I did choose to only tell my closest friends (til now) and as far as anyone else having a problem or a preconception with it…I guess its like every other prejudice. Who really gives a shit what small minded people think.

No its not just for Woody Allen types. There isn’t a single person in the world who wouldn’t benefit from it at one stage in their life. Anyone who says this isn’t true…well…they need therapy .

Yes I needed it. The stress I was feeling with work was born out of my frustration with many other aspects of my life. My Family, my love life, work, moving house 7 times in 8 years and a general sense of arrrgggghhh all led to my feelings of frustration, anger, helplessness, self-loathing (that might be a bit strong…but I definitely didn’t like myself.)

What I got from it was a bit of understanding. An ability to stand up and take responsibility for how my life goes. For the most part I control what I take from the great journey that is existence. I now see how I can deal with any problems that come up and there is no need for me to let it all build up and there is no need to fear anything. Life happens. I can cope.

I’ve been seeing my counsellor Adeela since January. Initially weekly, then fortnightly and then Monthly. This Saturday I will have my last scheduled session with her. Does that mean I’m ‘sane again? I’m not sure I was ever really ‘crazy’ but whatever it means, it’s a good feeling.


9:Driving

One of the first things I got out of counselling was Adeela challenged me to complete something. Start something and see it through to the end. As it happened, I had just bought Lisa’s car ‘Doreen’ and was planning to learn to drive. So I did.

Initially it was the single most traumatic experience I have ever had. Bumps and scrapes were bountiful and the sound of other drivers horns is something I still hear sometimes in the darkness. But I persevered. It is an incredibly liberating thing and I love the fact that I can do it. Even if I am 33 and most people learn when they are 15. Don’t burst my bubble man.



8: Movies

I’ve been without full time work for the last couple of months. So I’ve been taking full advantage of my Cineworld Multipass. For €19.99 a month I can go to as many movies as I like. So I’ve seen a lot of movies, I probably could do a Top 10 of the year or whatever. I won’t though. What I will say is that I’ve seen two movies this year that I know I will watch again and again.

500 days of Sumer is just my kinda movie. It is a non traditional love story where the boy doesn’t get the girl. I love that. Annie Hall, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and now this. Also it has a pretty cool soundtrack

Then there is A Serious Man. I only saw it yesterday so maybe my ‘gra’ for it is because it fresh in my mind. To be honest, I think its just because its brilliant. Its funny. It has pathos. It deals with physics and religion. It highlights a lot of life’s futilities and pointlessness. Its got some fantastic performances. It has immediately challenged Lebowski and Barton Fink as my favorite Cohen Brother movie.


7: Pueblo Ingles

In October, I spent 8 days on an English speaking programme in Spain. The idea was I volunteered my time to spend time with some Spanish people and the Spanish people could only speak English for that time. For 8 DAYS. Imagine spending that much time speaking a language that isn’t your first with a bunch of strangers, miles away from your family and friends. No phone, limited internet access and a real sense of WTF? (or the Spanish equivalent)

Despite the daunting nature of the course the people who I met there are some of the warmest, most open people that I have ever met. Spanish and Anglos (English speakers) alike.

To have the opportunity to meet and get to know people who I generally wouldn’t have had the chance to is truly one of the best moments of my life.

6: Music

I did movies so I guess I should do some music from the year too. I think my favourite of the year has to be Lungs by Florence and the Machine. It has a real sense of ‘ get up’ about it. I can’t imagine sitting passively listening to it. Its got some great tunes, she’s a bit bonkers (always a plus) and its hard to think of anything bad about it. I’m not a music critic, I just like this album.


5: Growing a Beard

My Beard is Awesome. Beards are Awesome. If you don’t have a beard (and are a man) then shame on you. BEARDS RULE!!!!

4: My Sister Had a Baby

His name is Sam. He’s very cute. My baby sister is all grown up. She’s 9 years younger than me, she is my only sister. She has a beautiful family and I’m very proud of her. I told her this. That’s not something that comes easy in our family. But I told her. And its something I’m really glad I did. I should say I was very drunk at the time. But she knew I meant it.

3: Books.

Books are another thing that is very important to me. I haven’t read as much as I’d like now that I’m driving. But the best book I read this year was an old one. Its called Miramar by an Egyptian writer called Naguib Mahfouz. It is set in a hostel in Egypt in the 1960’s. It looks at a series of events from the different perspectives of some of its inhabitants and how they revolve around a beautiful peasant girl.

It was borrowed from a friend who really recommended it. Find it and Read it.
Oh and the Watchmen graphic novel was much better than the movie


2: Reassessing What is important in Life

Maybe reassessing is the wrong word. For the most part I’m not sure I ever knew what was important in life. I think I have a better handle on it now.

I don’t need things. I don’t need 27 different t shirts. Books, cd’s and dvd’s have been a huge part in my life. But I don’t need them, I can get them cheaper online and don’t need the physical thing. I’ve a very basic TV and laptop. I don’t need the latest gadgets and gismos.

I can help people. I don’t necessarily have many qualifications or skills. But I can help others by just giving of my time. People will always need help. I’m going to try and be available as much as possible.

My family are important to me. I’ve always been very proud of my independence. I don’t visit my family often. I’m not particularly close to them. But they are my family and I realise now what they have done for me. They have played an enormous part of shaping me and for that I’m eternally grateful.

I want my own family. That’s what life is all about. We are here to procreate. I guess the first step to that is finding a partner. Leave it with me. I’ll get back to you in 2010.


1: Leaving Meteor.

I know I said it wasn’t in any particular order. But this is definitely number 1. That job was suffocating me as a person. I’m not saying it was the companies fault. But while I was there I didn’t allow myself to develop and I just stunted. Without doubt the best thing I ever did.

Its was just a job. But it defined me. And now, I will be the main factor in defining me.

I know there was some mystery surrounding why I left so quickly so let me unveil my secret. Let me use the pirate metaphor. Did I jump, or was I pushed. Well I jumped. Before I was pushed. However I did manage to grab on to some of the treasure so that I could live comfortably on the secret island for a bit.


Blimey that was a lot longer than I expected. I doubt anyone’s read it all. But if you did, here is another little bit

Other things I’ve enjoyed this year

The Sopranos - never saw it til this year. Possibly the greatest piece of artistic endeavour for the last 40-50 years
Veronica Mars- Never saw it til this year.
House - Never saw it til this year.
Taking Woodstock - Very enjoyable movie
Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap. My favorite song of the last few months
Into the Wild - Only saw it this year
Gold Rapp in Tripod…or was that last year.
John and Lisa’s day of fun.
Working in Muji. Retail is fun.


Things I didn’t enjoy
Jedward
Lisa leaving Ireland
Football….raising my hopes and dashing them, constantly
Falling out with people (probably for the best but its not nice when its happening)
The Watchmen movie

So I’m kinda going into 2010 with a happy outlook on life and with no bad feeling towards anyone. I hope your doing the same????