The Challenge

So a new year is upon us. As I’ve all ready said 2009 was a good for me. I’ve tried to understand myself more and figure out what my role is here in life. I like to think I’ve got a better grip on the big mystery of John. I mean I’m still kinda clueless about what I want out of life. I’ve no idea where I’m going. But I think I’ve started to recognise where I was going wrong. So now I can see if I’m heading down the wrong path and make the necessary changes.

I think change is what’s important. I’ve gotten this far in life without really trying to take control of it. I’ve floated along, accepting ‘what is’ as ‘what will always be’. From that attitude I think I’ve managed to cultivate a level of insouciance that one would expect from a surly teenager when asked if he’d like beans or spaghetti hoops with his fish fingers.

Acceptance is a big thing in my life. I don’t question. I never challenge. I settle. By settling I have allowed myself to become stagnant. I don’t have a significant relationship because its easier for me to stay alone and not compromise. I don’t have a career that compels me because I preferred to just take a job and the money than push myself. Getting a qualified was too much of an effort for me. I’d rather just lie around and drop out.

Taking the easy path has always been my way of life. The simple less stressful answer. Maybe it’s a compulsion issue. I have shown a tendency to make a decision quickly, without fully weighing up the consequences and just go with it. Ironically, I think I have done this in an effort to show that I can be decisive and have just ended up wandering lost still without fully making a decision in my life.

So. Now is the time to change all that. I am in a position where I am mentally more ready for big changes than I have ever been. I’m currently semi- unemployed (working in Muji is fun but I don’t think it will last much into the new year). I have the time and the willingness to take on a big project.

I’m going to do a lot more writing. I’m going to write a lot and often. I’m going to blog. I’m going to work on my Lisa De La Lingua novel. I’m going to try and write some articles and get them published. I’m going to write for competitions. And I am going to take on a challenge and document it.

As a person I like to think I’m pretty smart. I have a good general knowledge. I’ve read books. I can generally hold a conversation with anyone and not come off sounding like a taxi driver. However, my understanding of the important things in the world is pretty poor. Environment, politics, economy, poverty, war. I see them on the news and I can’t switch over fast enough. Partly because life is bleak enough do I need to start worrying about the rest of the world and partly because I don’t fully understand what is going on. ( I just stopped writing there to put on Marvin Gaye- Whats Going On? Great album) So I’m setting myself a challenge. I’m going to learn about stuff. And I’m going to record it.

I’m going to set out to develop a social conscience and I’m going to look into what people my age know and understand in relation to the important things in life. I’m going to document my journey from here in my state of political ignorance and see where I end up this time next year.

I think its an interesting concept and also an interesting challenge to see if I can follow through with it. I think if I can do that I’ll have travelled a long way. Hopefully as i go along I can update my progress on here.