Knowledge

Question. What are the names of the 4 ‘stars’ of RTE’s version of The Hills, Fade Street, called?
If you answered Vogue and 3 other gee bags you are correct. At least according to the table quiz I attended last Friday. For that was the answer my team drunkenly supplied and we received full points.

Firstly I’d like to point out that I am not proud that I used the ‘g’ word. It’s a word I’ve never liked and I find it much more offensive than the ‘c’ word for instance. As I said we had had a few Budvars during the course of the previous rounds and in fairness, it is kind of accurate.

Secondly, my team, John’s Lack of Commitment as were collectively known, were in second place and trying to keep up with the leaders. We were grateful for any allowance made for making the scorekeeper giggle. I take table quizzes very seriously you know.

I always have. Perhaps it was a way of proving my intelligence. I’ve told you before about my desire to show off. Taking part and being good table quizzes was always just another way to that. One of my favourite memories from being in school was in second class when my team (I’ll refer to them as my team, I may not have been captain but I like to think I was the star) beat the other second class.

Being in the group of 4 chosen to represent Mrs. Galvin’s class was pretty cool at the time. But when we won on the stage in front of the rest of the school it opened up a whole new world to me. It’s not like I had a special way for practicing for trivia contests. I just seemed to have a sponge like quality for absorbing pointless information.

And I went on to put it too some good use. I won all kinds of contests. In school, in the Library, my scout troop represented Dublin in the All Ireland Scout Table Quiz. My biggest regret is that our school wouldn’t let us enter Ray D’Arcy’s Blackboard Jungle television quiz show. Something to do with the school having no money.

There was one day in school where a quiz had been organised and the teams picked a week beforehand. On the day not a single one of my team mates where in. I still emerged victorious. I don’t want to appear braggadocios, but I was pretty good.

Even as an adult, I was part of some interesting wins. My team once even almost got into an Anchorman style gang war when the defeated champions accused us of not knowing what to do with a crystal bowl. What the fuck does anyone do with a crystal bowl?

Regardless of their petty bitterness, they couldn’t spoil that moment. We’d won some quality prizes and met TV3 weatherman Martin King who was compere for the fundraiser in aid of Barretstown.


But definitely my favourite moment as a man with Rainman like knowledge of the cast of Coronation Street was in my childhood. My dad had brought me to get my haircut so I would have been less than 12 years old.

As the barber was cutting my hair, I noticed he had a plaque beside his jar of barbicide. This commemorative brass plate on a piece of black wood was to honour his appearance The Larry Gogan radio show as a contestant on the Just a Minute Quiz.

The Just a Minute Quiz is exactly what it sounds like. People would ring in to the avuncular host Larry, who would ask them general knowledge questions for the period of one minute. Who ever got the highest score in the week won a hamper of Denny Pudding or something similar.

So from what I could ascertain from the evidence presented, my bearded hairdresser had been one of the contestants but with a score of 10 he was not good enough to win the big prize.

As chance would have it, as he was giving me a short back and sides, he was listening to Larry Gogan and the daily question and answer segment was about to start.

I wasn’t going to open my mouth. I usually like to sit quietly while the barber does his thing. But he started to answer the questions.

He wasn’t bad. He was better than the dribbling Luddite who was actually on the radio. Honestly, the man thought Bordeaux was in Germany.I was surprised he actually managed to dial the number to enter.

If my hairdresser was going to show off his superiority to the monkey on then the radio, so was I. It was close. But I definitely won. The barber was really impressed. Like I said, I hadn’t even reached puberty and there I was with greater general knowledge than at least two adults who thought they were clever.

It didn’t matter that he was impressed. I was a cocky little so and so, it didn’t matter if some scissor jockey thought I was clever. What did make me feel great was as I was imparting my crystals of knowledge; I was watching my Dad in the mirror.

Every time I answered a question right he smiled. He laughed when the barber indicated that he was beaten by a tiny tot. He was proud when I told him about the Larry Gogan Plaque.

These days my Dad probably thinks I’m more smart arse than smarty pants but back then it was something he loved to see. His ‘brain box’ kid knowing more than most of the grown ups. That always made it special for me when I got a question right.

Sadly my love of table quizzes has been tainted. The dawn of the Iphone has meant that the cream no longer rises to the top. My encyclopaedic knowledge of non league English football grounds does not reap the rewards it once did because now any simpleton with a company phone can sneakily get the information at the touch of a button.

I used to think they were only cheating themselves. Well they aren’t. They are cheating me. The Bastards.

By the way the actual answer to the Fade Street question is Vogue…eh….then there is…You know what? Some things I can live without knowing.