Spooning

One of the big drawbacks of doing this writing lark and working part time to pay the bills is that you’ve got to be flexible. Its not always possible to have the weekends off. The fact that I haven’t seen a single one of Irelands reportedly average Six Nations so far this year or I don‘t get to go home and have a Sunday Roast in my folks are sacrifices I have to make.

And that’s ok. I enjoy my schedule, it lets me write Blogs on Monday afternoon and hoover the stairs on Tuesday morning. If anything it means I appreciate my days off on weekends all the more when they do occur. I have one this week and I can’t wait.

Do you know what I’d really like to do with my day off? I’d like to go out on Saturday night, get drunk, maybe have a bit of a dance. Then I’d like to go home and have some drunken sex before spending the next day having hungover sex in between eating breakfast in bed, watching movies, talking nonsense and generally having a nice time.

Oh I should have warned you. This one is going to be a little honest. I may ‘share’ a bit.

I wrote before (here) how I wasn’t a huge fan of sharing my bed. Snoring, cuddling, naked sleeping being the reasons as I explained. Unless of course it was someone who I was comfortable with. Someone who I could relax around. And that’s what I really want for my Sunday. Someone I can happily just be with.

Of course the first step in spending a lazy, horny Sunday with somebody is to actually meet someone. And I haven’t done that in a long time. Don’t get me wrong. I have had sex. “I gets mine,” as the latest rapper turned actor might say.

None of those encounters worked out. Just not right for me. Or they weren’t meant to work out in the first place. Casual, No strings, friends with benefits kind of things. I don’t want that anymore.

There is a movie out at the moment called No Strings attached. It stars Ashton Kutcher (playing Ashton Kutcher, his best kind of role) and recent Oscar winner Natalie Portman as two chums who try to have a casual,friends who have sex relationship and it doesn’t work out because (spoiler alert) they fall in love.

In my experience, this is not what happens. One party might develop feelings while the other is content to go along with the status quo until they find someone they do want to be in a relationship with, thus breaking the heart of the deluded half of the duo.

Alternatively, one of the fuckbuddies (I hate that term) might realise they want something more out of life in general and realise that its not a productive path to go down. Or neither of them will realise this and they will end up having empty, meaningless sex for a long time until one of them dies.

That’s not for me anymore. I used to think it was cool to have as much, varied sex with as many people as possible. And it is. But I’d just like to meet someone who I can hang out with on a Sunday.

Of course I realise that people in relationships, people with kids and families know this already. They probably think that I have some fantasy that is nothing like the real thing. At least 3 of my friends can’t remember the last time they got to lie in bed all day Sunday and perform their special party piece on their partners naked body.

Maybe I am just a romantic at heart. I’ve definitely seen too many movies. I want my last minute dash to airport to stop the girl leaving. I want to burst into a church a punch out the jerky boyfriend who doesn’t laugh at her jokes. I want a musical number.

Failing that? I’d settle for someone who makes good scrambled eggs and likes Cohen Brother movies.