Innuendo

“So you’re looking for a hard one is it?”

This question is one I directed a few weeks ago to a customer at my part time job. She was looking for a case for her sunglasses. We carry a nylon soft case but she was looking for something sturdier. I really was just looking to help her with her query.

I could feel her eyes bearing into me. I tried not to laugh, fighting the dirty chuckle that was building inside me. Resistance was futile, my cheeks were heating up and the tension on the shop floor was dense. I looked down at the floor. If I could avoid contact I might be able to suppress it.

The idea that she was ‘looking for a hard one,’ rolled around my infantile brain for what seemed like an eternity but was surely only seconds. I couldn’t hold it any longer. I snickered. Some of it came out through my pursed lips while the rest escaped through my nostrils.

Incredibly childish I know. I’m a thirty five year old man with Bevis and Butthead tendencies. I should know better but if something is delivered in the right tone or wrong context I revert to my giggling teenage phase. I can’t help it.

In this case I think it is a case of nurture over nature. When I was a child one of my favourite things to do was to sit down and watch Benny Hill or a Carry On movie with my Dad. If something made him laugh, it had to be funny, right? If my dad approved of Barbara Windsor’s Fanny or Benny Hill slapping the baldy man then it was comedy gold as far as I was concerned.

Of course as I grew, I tried to rally against this. Maybe I was rebelling against my Dad’s taste but I like to think that as I was exposed to more mature politically correct comedy and began to see Carry On for the crass sexist childish humour that it was. Have I Got News for You, Who’s Line Is It Anyway became more my cup of tea.

Ironically this cup of tea was laden with lascivious, juvenile frippery, but it seemed to be of a different kind. It wasn’t so blatant. It was insightful and intelligent, poking fun at the ludicrousness of society. At least that’s what I told myself.

But try as I might I could not deny my roots in smut. Once I started working full time my choice of viewing was dictated by what could be left on in the background without requiring too much attention. So banal cookie cutter comedy was my ideal early evening television. Scrubs, Friends and Two and a Half men each had at least one character whose job was to make stupid offensive, sexually loaded remarks. And I could not help but laugh.

It could be argued that the characters are often portrayed as idiots or actually infantile and as such this is not the same as being straight up offensive. We are laughing ‘at’ them rather than ‘with’ them. I’m not so sure my funny bone was making that connection.

In the interest of disclosure I need to point out I’m a big fan of Scrubs. It made me laugh regularly and not just in an infantile way but ‘The Todd’ is the perfect example of the kind of character I’m talking about. When The Todd points at his crotch and talks about Hot Italian Sausage, I know it’s not actually funny but I laugh. The same with Joey from Friends or Jake in Two and a Half Men.

I know it’s not big or clever; but as I’ve said before neither am I. I can’t help it if the whole point of this blog post is so I could tell you about all the sticky substances involved in getting ready for work in the morning (shower gel, Brylcreem, moisturiser.) But I have been trying to control it.

Working in Fighting Words I learned pretty quickly that eight year olds don’t mean anything suggestive by talking about a monkey who likes to ‘play toss the coconut’ or the chicken who wanted to win ‘The Cock of the Year Award.’ At least I hope they don’t. Somehow I’ve always managed to control my childish side in those situations. That must show some level of maturity.

So what’s your favourite Double Entendre? Please post them in the comment box below and you might win a prize....yea a prize....not an actual physical prize, more like a moral victory. But go on...you know you want to.
Of course some of you will have noticed that the title of this piece is out of sequence with my alphabet theme. Very observant, there is a reason for that. The ‘H’ will be delivered next but I just thought it would be more fitting if ‘Innuendo’ was 69th post.

Heehee 69.